rst forth into history, as
follows:--

"Once again England is faced with a crisis. There has been nothing
like it since Alexander the Great burned his boats and crossed the
Rubicon."

An Infant Prodigy.

"Although only in his 41st year Mr. F. E. Smith is a Master of Arts
..."

_Pall Mall Gazette._

* * * * *

Illustration: _Medical Officer._ "SORRY I MUST REJECT YOU ON ACCOUNT OF
YOUR TEETH."

_Would-be Recruit._ "MAN, YE'RE MAKING A GRAN' MISTAKE. I'M NO WANTING
TO BITE THE GERMANS, I'M WANTING TO SHOOT 'EM."

* * * * *

A FIRST CHARGE.

_Mr. Punch's_ appeal is once more for the children. Most earnestly, and
with great confidence, he begs his readers to care for those little ones
whose fathers and brothers are serving under the Flag for our country's
honour and the defence of our homes, or may suffer through loss of work.
All gifts to the National Relief Fund should be addressed to H.R.H. The
Prince of Wales, at Buckingham Palace.

* * * * *

A PLEA FOR PEGASUS.

Ye mobilisers of that other arm
Whose might is famed superior to the sabre's,
Who furnish forth the wherewithal to charm
The Special Correspondent to his labours,
And by whose enterprise we're daily fed on
Reports of Armageddon.

List to my plaint. It is not that I tire
Of those despatches--picturesque effusions--
Which by the witness of a later wire
Are proved to rank among the Great Illusions;
Though much to be deplored, such news, I'm willing
Freely to own, is thrilling.

But when your pages, shrunken through the scare
Of that worst blow of all, a paper famine,
Dispense exclusively Bellona's fare,
And, failing battle tales, you simply cram in
Facts about spies, commodities and prices,
I writhe beneath this crisis.

I can support the other pains of war:
Transport disorganised and credit shaken,
The fear of hunger knocking at the door,
And threepence extra on a pound of bacon;
In fact, I'd be the most resigned of creatures
If you'd compose your "features."

Could you not lift a corner of the mask
That makes these solemn days so much more solemn?
A very little ray is all I ask
To light the utter darkness--say a column
Of "stories" which your slang describes as "snappy;"
With these I could be happy;

With these my topic Muse I migh