r?
{Isn't the paper here yet?
{What's the matter with the people?

_Or_

_The whole family_ (all together again).

{I say, father, you might read quicker.
{Can't you tear it in half?
{Do tell us the news.
{Do read it out loud.
{What about Liege? Quick!
{Oh dear, why don't we have ten copies of it?

* * * * *

"The 'Daily Telegraph' Algeciras correspondent, wiring yesterday,
says news from Gibraltar reports a naval fight off the Canaries. One
of the latter was sunk and the other captured and brought to
Gibraltar."

_Liverpool Evening Express._

Our own canary protests indignantly at this treatment of its allies.

* * * * *

In order to be in the very admirable fashion the L.C.C. has decided, we
understand, to change the name of Jermyn Street to Jellicoe Lane.

* * * * *

Illustration: THE LOCAL TOUCH. _East Anglian._ "TELL YOW WHAT THAT IS,
SIR: THAT THERE KAISER 'E 'ONT NEVER BE SATISFIED UNTIL 'E'S RUINED
MUDBOROUGH."

* * * * *

Illustration: A BRAVE MAN. "LARGE LAGER, WAITER."

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)

MR. DORNFORD YATES, whose name I seem to recall as a contributor to the
magazines, has written a book of the most agreeable nonsense which he
has called _The Brother of Daphne_ (WARD, LOCK). For no specially
apparent reason, since _Daphne_ herself plays but a small part in the
argument, which is chiefly concerned with the brother and his love
affairs. This brother, addressed as _Boy_, was a bit of a dog, and an
uncommonly lucky dog at that. The adventures he had! He apparently could
not go out for the simplest walk without meeting some amiable young
woman, divinely fair and supernaturally witty, with whom he presently
exchanged airy badinage and, towards the end of the interview, kisses.
What distressed me a little at first, till I tumbled to the spirit of
the thing, was the discovery that the charmer was always a fresh one,
and in consequence that these osculations had, so to speak, no
matrimonial significance. Perhaps, however, _Boy_ recognised an
essential similarity in each of his partners. He may, for example, have
been deceived by the fact that they all talked exactly the same Dolly
dialogue--light, frothy and just a little more neatly turned than is the
common in