get back to Battersea.

***

General VILLA, it is stated, has now virtually proclaimed his
independence of General CARRANZA, and hostilities are said to be
imminent. We caution these gentlemen, however, that we are not prepared
at this juncture to take a great deal of interest in their little war,
and, if they take our advice, they will postpone it.

***

At the present moment, fortunately, one does not hear much of the sex
war, but sex-pride compels us to draw attention to an account in _The
Liverpool Echo_ of a recent agricultural show, from which we learn that
"in a class for cows, in which there was a score of entries, Mr. S.
Sanday won with pedigree dairy bulls."

***

The news that a large number of yachts had been placed at the disposal
of the Admiralty was, no doubt, responsible for a statement in _The
Birkenhead News_ of the 8th inst., to the effect that the Hoylake Town
Band, consisting of Bavarians, in a moment of patriotic fervour during
the crisis struck up "_Der Yacht am Rhein_."

* * * * *

Illustration: _GERMAN KAISER._ "Donnerwetter! No wonder I've missed my
appointment. The silly idiots have given me an 1870 time-table."

* * * * *

Overheard in the heather of a grouse moor:--"What ho! The Moratorium."

***

In feline circles it is being pointed out with some pride that not only
are there Dogs of Wars but that Active Service Kits are being advertised
very freely.

* * * * *

Illustration: AT THE OFFICIAL PRESS BUREAU.

_MR. F. E. SMITH_ (_against his gallant instincts_). "Permit me, Madam."

* * * * *

"We, as a party," says Mr. KEIR HARDIE in _The Labour Leader_, "surely
have a right to make a special protest against this altogether useless
and unnecessary conflict." The KAISER'S address, KEIR, is Potsdam,
Berlin (Germany).

***

We rejoice to hear that the thousand fresh herrings which a certain
cosmopolitan financier purchased at the outbreak of the war to store up
have one and all gone bad.

***

Paris now has a "Rue de Liege." And, in order to obviate any feeling of
jealousy, a certain virulent microbe which has just been discovered by a
Belgian scientist is, we hear, to be called the "Wilhelm Germ."

***

We trust that the Dutch are taking every precaution to protect the
Palace of Peace at the