unpleasant for all parties!

_Joe_ (_to the owner of the Landau, with easy affability_). It's very
'orspitable of you and your good lady, Mister, but I'm very well where
I am--if I _should_ want to set down later on, I'll tell yer. (_To_
BILL.) I can't think what they all _see_ in me. _I_ don't encourage
'em!

_The Lady_ (_in a rapid whisper_). No, HORACE, for goodness sake
_don't_--you'll only make them worse--we must put up with it. (_They
do._)

_Bill_ (_affecting to recognise an imaginary friend across the road_).
'Ullo, if there ain't little ALEXANDER! I knoo _'e'd_ be 'ere. What
cher, ALEC, ole pal?

_Joe_ (_playing up to him_). Ah, and there goes JACK GAYNER! You can
spot 'im anywhere by 'is eye-glass.

_Bill._ That's ole JACK all over, that is. 'E wouldn't come out--not
on a day like this--without a _eyeglass_, JACK wouldn't. If it 'ad ha'
bin a Saturday now, 'e'd ha' 'ad _two_, to see 'is way 'ome by. (_A
gorgeous official passes on horseback._) There y'ar--there's DAN LENO.
Way oh, DANNY!

_Dick._ It's time 'Er Most Gracious come along, if she's goin' to
keep 'er character. If she don't make 'aste, I shan't 'ave time to get
'alf a pint afore I go 'ome!

_Bill_ (_sentimentally_). Ah, if she on'y knoo the anxious arts she's
causin'! 'Ullo, see that bloke tryin' to climb up on the wall there?
If I was one o' them sojers, I'd draw my sword and do a noble deed
against _'im_, I would. He wouldn't want to set down on no wall arter
_I'd_ done with him!

[_By this time the two have secured a delighted audience--of which
they are fully conscious._

_Joe._ Time 's very near up. 'ER MAJESTY ain't 'urryin 'erself.

_Bill_ (_magnanimously_). Never mind. Now I _am_ 'ere, I'll stop _'Er_
time. I shouldn't like 'Er to feel that there was somethink wantin' to
the success of the perceedins. They say Royalty never forgets a face!

_Joe_ (_with the candour of intimacy_). She won't see enough o' yours
to _forgit_, ole feller--you ain't used _much_ o' Pears' Soap this
mornin', you ain't!

_Bill_ (_in nowise pained by this personality--which is only too well
founded_). Ah, it 'ud take "Monkey Brand" and Fuller's Earth to git
it all orf o' _me_! (_There is a stir in the crowd; a Mounted
Police-sergeant trots past_). There's somethink up _now_. They're
comin'. I _will_ 'oller when the QUEEN passes. She's costed me a deal
already, but she ain't got _all_ the money. I got three 'apence of it
in my pocket--though