e is) called with two
doctors. I said I couldn't be bothered with them. BROWN (or whoever he
is) said I must. So I saw them. They say that the Act requires that I
must understand what I am doing. All right--going into retreat. Word
"retreat" should be pronounced as one syllable. All right, they have
made the statutory declaration.

_Saturday._--Here I am. Charming place, away from drink, and ought to
do well for the next fortnight. Can't remember how long I promised to
stay, but know it was for some considerable time. I have just seen
the Superintendent. He says he is very sorry, but I cannot stay
any longer. This, in spite of it appearing that I have signed an
application undertaking to remain for life. Can't make it out. Rather
vague about what I have been doing during the week, but know I wanted
to cure myself from habitual inebriety. Superintendent says he must
turn me out under the statute. Appears that I signed the application
for admission when I was not absolutely sober. Can't be helped. Out I
go. Well, there are worse things in the world than whiskey and port. I
have a notion that I am booked for another night in my boots!

* * * * *

[Illustration: NOTE AND QUERY.

_Small Boy_ (_to Companion_). "I SAY, BILL, WHICH O' THESE TWO'S TAKEN
THE PRIZE?"]

* * * * *

THE RECENTLY-ELECTED R.A.'S.

The pictures these talented gentlemen show
Monotonous never appear;
Waves, woods, and (say) Wenice, MACWHIRTER & Co.
Depict for us year after year.

WOODS always paints Venice, the place that brought forth
A Moor, but MOORE'S chattels and goods
Are seas, not calm south ones, but those of the north,
Whilst NORTH and MACWHIRTER paint woods.

* * * * *

A DEBT OF HONOUR.--Will the verse described as _Ode_ by Mr. WILLIAM
MORRIS be paid with the Poet Laureateship?

* * * * *

[Illustration: WHAT WEDDING PRESENTS ARE COMING TO.

_She._ "I DON'T SEE _MY_ CHEQUE ANYWHERE!"

_He._ "A--CAN I HELP YOU? WHAT NAME?"

_She._ "OH--WELL--MINE IS HARDLY A CHEQUE. A--IT'S A POSTAL ORDER, YOU
KNOW, FOR FIFTEEN SHILLINGS!"]

* * * * *

OUR OWN AMBASSADOR.

_Mr. Punch, meeting Columbia at the World's Fair, thus greeteth
her:--_

COLUMBIA by Lake Michigan
A treasure-dome did late decree;
And all the world, in summer, ran,
In numbers