e lookin' after than any--oh, _'ere_ you are! Well, you
should ha' kept along with us, and you'd ha' seen well enough! It
_was_ a pity our leavin' the whisky at 'ome--'tain't _often_ I come
out without it--and on a warm day like this, a drop 'ud ha' done us
_all_ good!

_A Loyal Old Lady._ Ah, depend upon it, this Imperial Institoot 'ull
do good to Trade. Why, there's one o' them men with the iced lemonade
cans sold out a'ready!

* * * * *

HOW'S THAT FOR--HIGH-TEA?

[A learned Judge is recently reported to have anxiously
inquired the meaning of "high-tea."]

His Lordship looked puzzled. He ransacked his brain;
His once beaming brow was contracted with pain.
Till my Lord stopped the Counsel, in saying, "Let's see,
Before you proceed, what is meant by 'high-tea'?

"I was called to the Bar such a long time ago!
But I flatter myself that I've learnt now to know
All the ropes pretty well, yet completely at sea
I confess that I am with this curious 'high-tea.'

"Now I own that I know an Oxonian 'wine,'
Though a 'cocoa' at Newnham is more in my line,
Whilst dinner and lunch are familiar to me.
So is supper. But what--tell me, _what_ is 'high-tea'?"

The Counsel explained in his very best style,
(Though he often indulged, on the sly, in a smile,)
And the Judge was as eager as eager could be
To learn all the rites that belong to "high-tea."

But the sequel to all was a square little note
Next day from a blue-blooded Duchess who wrote
To the Judge, and this Dame of the highest degree
Had invited his Lordship to come to--HIGH-TEA!

* * * * *

DIARY OF A "H. D."

(_At the Service of the Departmental Committee on the Treatment of
Inebriates._)

_Monday._--I am afraid that I can no longer resist the temptation to
return to my customary diet. This morning my breakfast was spoiled by
finding that the _piece de resistance_ was corked. And this when I
pay 96_s._ a dozen, and the vintage is 1884! However, it could not
be helped, and I managed to exist until lunch. Then came another
disappointment. I had purposely ordered a light repast, as I had not
much appetite. But I did intend to take it with soda-water--not
neat. At dinner I managed to get through a biscuit, and as it was
"devilled," it gave me renewed relish for the morning's champagne.
This time the bottles were in excellent condition, and I quite forg