runt.
Hope not, I'm sure, for I'm sick of stye-voices
ARTHUR of those, has no doubt, borne the brunt;
Now in a semi-relief he rejoices
Pigs are fit only for styes and nose-ringing.
Never let Irish ones run loose and root,
Rather wish ARTHUR were less sweet on flinging
Pearls before pigs; as well feed 'em on fruit.

_Hrumph_! There. I thought so! _Hrumph_! _hrumph_! What a pest!
Sure that big brute has his eye on my ladder.
Has ARTHUR loosed him? He thinks he knows best,
But a nasty spill _now_!--nothing well could be sadder
Brutes always rub their broad backs and stiff bristles
Against--anything that comes handy. Oh lor!
How the brute shoulders, and snorts, grunts and whistles!
Off to the gutter, you big Irish boar!

Not he! He nears me! It _is_ ARTHUR's pet.
Light ladder this; would capsize in a jiffy.
His bristles he'd scrape and his tusks he would whet
Against it, I wish he were drowned in the Liffey!
_Whisht_! Get away! He's so heavy and big.
There! round the ladder he's playing the fooler.
Ah! there's the rub. PATRICK scumfish that Pig!
If he doesn't mean deviltry I'm a--Home Ruler!
[_Left fidgetting._

* * * * *

UNASKED.

Unasked, the Tax-Collector wild
Presents to smirking MARY his
Demand--on what the Roman styled
"_Kalendis Januariis_."

Unasked, a Christmas-box to gain,
Sweeps, lamplighters, and postmen come;
Unasked--too often to remain--
The wife's mammas of most men come.

Unasked, it looms--that ophicleide
From Germany, with melodies
Whereat the cow of story died;
Whereat a modern fellow dies.

Unasked, partakes my Christmas cheer,
(Whom oft, my front-door bell at, I've
Surprised, the better much for beer)--
My Cook's fraternal relative.

Unasked, my bills appear in shoals,
"_With compliments_" from creditors;
Unasked, in verse I send my soul's
Throbs--with a stamp--to Editors.

Unasked, that editorial pack
Return my "throbs" in heavy, new,
Crisp envelopes, unstamped, alack!
While I defray the Revenue.

* * * * *

MRS. RAM's nephew was reading aloud the prospectus of the Clerical,
Medical, and General Life Assurance Society. She was much impressed by
the idea of Clerical Assurance, and expressed herself greatly pleased
at the Ven. Archdeacon FARRAR being one of the