l their deep humanity is preserved, their English is so
elevated as to be innocuous to the nicest sensibility. Permit me to
give, just as a sample, my treatment of that very popular ballad,
known, _rubesco referens_, as "_Knocked 'em in the Old Kent Road_."
Not being a singer, I have adopted Mr. CLIFFORD HARRISON's charming
plan of speaking through the music of the song, and this is how _I_
render the chorus:--

"'How is it with you?' was the universal exclamation of the residents
in the vicinity.

"'With whom, WILLIAM, have you made an appointment?'

"'Have you, WILLIAM, purchased all the house-property in this
thoroughfare?'

"Were my risible faculties exercised?--you ask me. Nay. Indeed I was
actually apprehensive of a fatal issue.

"So striking was the effect produced upon those in the ancient Cantian
highway."

This, Sir, not only gives the sense, but gives it, I venture to claim,
in a form fit for the apprehension of the most refined. Judging,
too, by the reception it met with at our recent Penny Readings, I
am convinced that Mr. CHEVALIER's peculiar humour is thoroughly
preserved, for, indeed, many of the audience laughed till I became
positively concerned for their safety.

Yours faithfully, ROBERT BOWDLER SPALDING.

* * * * *

GOOD NEWS INDEED!

That fiendish malefactor, the Influenza Bacillus, has been caught
at last! The peculiarity about him, confound him, is said to be
his "immobility." Ugh! the hard-hearted infinitesimally microscopic
monster! No tears, short-breathings, sighs, no groans, no sufferings,
nothing will move him. There he remains, untouched, immobile.
But there was one hopeful sign mentioned in the _Times_ of last
Saturday--the Bacillus was found "in chains, and in strings." Let the
chains be the heaviest possible till he can be tried by a Judge and
Jury; and don't resort to "strings" till the supply of chains has
failed.

* * * * *

NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS.,
Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no
case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed
Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.

End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume
102, January 16, 1892, by Various

*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***

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