f it be any)
unquiet, subject to fearful dreams and terrors. Peter in his bonds slept
secure, for he knew God protected him; and Tully makes it an argument of
Roscius Amerinus' innocency, that he killed not his father, because he so
securely slept. Those martyrs in the primitive church were most
[6741]cheerful and merry in the midst of their persecutions; but it is far
otherwise with these men, tossed in a sea, and that continually without
rest or intermission, they can think of nought that is pleasant,
[6742]"their conscience will not let them be quiet," in perpetual fear,
anxiety, if they be not yet apprehended, they are in doubt still they shall
be ready to betray themselves, as Cain did, he thinks every man will kill
him; "and roar for the grief of heart," Psalm xxxviii. 8, as David did; as
Job did, xx. 3, 21, 22, &c., "Wherefore is light given to him that is in
misery, and life to them that have heavy hearts? which long for death, and
if it come not, search it more than treasures, and rejoice when they can
find the grave." They are generally weary of their lives, a trembling heart
they have, a sorrowful mind, and little or no rest. _Terror ubique tremor,
timor undique et undique terror._ "Fears, terrors, and affrights in all
places, at all times and seasons." _Cibum et potum pertinaciter aversantur
multi, nodum in scirpo quaeritantes, et culpam imaginantes ubi nulla est_,
as Wierus writes _de Lamiis lib. 3. c. 7._ "they refuse many of them meat
and drink, cannot rest, aggravating still and supposing grievous offences
where there are none." God's heavy wrath is kindled in their souls, and
notwithstanding their continual prayers and supplications to Christ Jesus,
they have no release or ease at all, but a most intolerable torment, and
insufferable anguish of conscience, and that makes them, through
impatience, to murmur against God many times, to rave, to blaspheme, turn
atheists, and seek to offer violence to themselves. Deut. xxviii. 65, 68.
"In the morning they wish for evening, and for morning in the evening, for
the sight of their eyes which they see, and fear of hearts." [6743]Marinus
Mercennus, in his comment on Genesis, makes mention of a desperate friend
of his, whom, amongst others, he came to visit, and exhort to patience,
that broke out into most blasphemous atheistical speeches, too fearful to
relate, when they wished him to trust in God, _Quis est ille Deus (inquit)
ut serviam illi, quid proderit si oraver