OLDE TEA HOUSE

(Opposite the Church).

HOME-MADE CAKES. ANTIQUES."

_Local Paper._

* * * * *

"TO BE SURE.

'Why do you call that performing poodle Sidius?'

'He's a dog star, ain't he now?'"

_Canadian Paper._

Still we don't see it.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE PROVISION MERCHANT.

"CAN WE SUPPLY YOU WITH A CAR, SIR? CERTAINLY.

THIS IS OUR 1920 TOURING MODEL--PROVISIONAL, OF COURSE.

BY THE WAY, THE BODY, YOU SEE, IS ONLY A PROVISIONAL ONE.

THE ENGINE DESIGN IS PURELY PROVISIONAL, YOU'LL UNDERSTAND--

AND THE HORSEPOWER IS PROVISIONALLY FIXED AT 12-78.

DELIVERY IS IN EIGHTEEN MONTHS--QUITE PROVISIONAL, THAT IS--

AND THE PRICE WE PUT PROVISIONALLY AT L1,200.

WE SHALL REQUIRE, OF COURSE, A DEPOSIT OF L600 BEFORE WE CAN
PROVISIONALLY ACCEPT THE ORDER.

I MAY ADD THAT A GUARANTEE GOES WITH EACH CAR--PROVISIONAL,
NATURALLY--

AND WE WILL PROVISIONALLY UNDERTAKE TO INFORM YOU OF ANY PROVISIONAL
ALTERATIONS--

THAT WE MAY MAKE IN OUR PROVISIONAL DESIGNS IF YOU APPLY TO OUR
PROVISIONAL WORKS--

--PROVIDED----NO, SIR, I CANNOT TELL YOU WHERE YOU CAN HIRE A
PUSH-BIKE!!!"]

* * * * *

AT THE PLAY.

"THE MYSTERY OF THE YELLOW ROOM."

Gentlemen of the Press having been tactfully requested not to give
away this awesome mystery, I am barred by the fastidious sense of
honour which distinguishes our profession from spoiling your pleasure
in this matter--a course which otherwise I should naturally have
preferred.

Not that I have any too clear idea of what it was all about or why an
innocent gentleman should be apparently going to be guillotined for
it. For there was no question of anyone having been murdered, the only
tangible crime before the Court that I could see being the abstraction
of some scientific papers. However don't imagine that this vagueness
will deprive you of the pleasures of shock. Only don't go thinking
about it. Remember _Rosamund_ and her Purple Jar.

I think I am free to tell you that a young journalist possessing
(characteristically) "fantastic humour and exuberant gaiety," a famous
amateur detective to boot, outwits all the official police, robs the
law of its prey and finds a long-lost mother for himself.

If this doesn't excite you sufficiently you can extract fun from
subsidiary details. It is always diverting to the unspoilt soul when
the principal