; I CANNOT
TELL A LIE. YOU DID IT!"]

* * * * *

Our Erudite Contemporaries.

"No doubt the inhabitants of the seaside resorts are duly
grateful as they turn their faces to the trippers and the sun.
Like Niobe, they are all smiles."--_Provincial Paper._

* * * * *

"It certainly was a heavy swell, but the good ship 'Onward'
had, so to speak, got its sea legs, and so had the party
aboard; and although we rolled, it was a long steady roll
which in time became almost most enjoyable."

_Isle of Man Weekly Times._

It is on occasions like these that the Manxman finds his third leg so
useful.

* * * * *

CUTCHERY CATS.

[In order to check the depredations of mice and rats the
Government of India have directed the maintenance of cats in
every public office ("Cutchery"). Rations do not err on the
side of over-abundance, and the cats in consequence are not
always the most favourable specimens.]

What time five notes on the cutchery gong
The aged orderly rings,
And he who calleth the waiting throng
Striketh his work and sings,
There cometh a man with broken meats,
Cheerily calling, and him there greets
With wailing of souls that are tried too long,
A bevy of Fearsome Things.

Ribbed as railings and lank as rods,
Stark as the toddy trees,
Swarming as when from the bursting pods
Scatter the ripened peas,
Flaming pupil and naked claw,
Gaunt and desolate, maimed and raw,
Cats by courtesy, but, ye gods!
Never were cats like these.

Nay, of a verity these be souls
Such as in life were vile,
Risen again from the nethermost coals
To harry the earth a while;
Versed in wickedness, old in sin,
Never was hell could hold them in,
And back they hasten in droves and shoals
To desecrate and defile.

Here where the shadow of Ancient Lies
Falleth athwart the room,
Where the Angel of Evil Counsel plies
His chariot through the gloom,
Where the Lost Endeavours and Faded Hopes
Cluster like fruit in the mango-topes,
Here is the perfectest paradise
For the damned to work their doom.

And swear will I by the Cloven Hoof
And the name of the Manichees,
By the hair that riseth despite reproof
And the rebel veins that freeze,
That at night, when the graves give up their dead
An