Do you want not to go to the Front? Then try our LITTLE WHITE LIVER
PILLS and you will never have another worry. _Dose:_ One, once. Sold
everywhere.

* * * * *

HOW TO LOOK OLD. A USEFUL WRINKLE.

No more worry. No matter _how_ youthful your appearance, in TEN MINUTES
we can make you look

AS GREY AS GRANDPA.

Call and inspect our appliances. They will convince you.

* * * * *

Are you a MAN OF GENIUS? And young? And in perfect health? We will see
that you are saved for your country. In the words of one of our exempted
clients:--

"For why should youth aglow with gifts divine
Be driven forth to glut the foreign swine?"

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE GRAPES OF VERDUN.

THE OLD FOX. "YOU DON'T SEEM TO BE GETTING MUCH NEARER THEM."

THE CUB. "NO, FATHER. HADN'T WE BETTER GIVE IT OUT THAT THEY'RE SOUR?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _His Fiancee._ "HE HAD VERY BAD LUCK. HE WAS KNOCKED OVER
BY A RICOCHET."

_Her Aunt._ "REALLY? I DIDN'T KNOW THE GERMANS HAD ANY NATIVE TROOPS
FIGHTING FOR THEM."]

* * * * *

THE WATCH DOGS.

XXXVII.

MY DEAR CHARLES,--This letter is written in England, but the reason for
my presence here is not to be dismissed in a breath or mentioned first
anyhow. It is to be led up to gradually, the music being stopped and the
audience being asked to refrain from shuffling their feet about and
coughing when we come to the critical moment.

Reviewing my military career, I do not look upon myself as great; I look
upon myself rather as very great. Even at the beginning of it I had a
distinct way with me. I would say to fifty men, "Form fours," and sure
enough they would form them. I would then rearrange my ideas and say,
"Form two-deep," and there, in the twinkling of an eye, was your two
deep. This is not common, I think; it was just something in me, some
peculiar gift for which I was not responsible. So pleasing was the
effect that I would sometimes go on repeating the process for ten
minutes or so, and every time it fell out exactly as I said it would, no
one ever daring to suggest that the sooner I settled down to a definite
policy, whether in fours or twos, the sooner the War would end.

For six months I continued performing this difficult and dangerous work,
only once making the mistake of ordering my men to take a left