urselves and Mr. Jones's platoon. But you can't have
everything; and sense of direction never was my strong point. Never
shall I forget our first breakfast in the trenches. It consisted of
bacon and eggs, marmalade and tea. How strange and novel an experience
it was to be at war!

Never shall I forget.... Now I know there was something else, but there
are such a lot of things that I am never going to forget about this War
that I cannot be expected to remember them all. It was something about
someone not shaving, and being in the rear rank while the front rank was
being inspected, and in the front rank while the rear rank was being
inspected. It was by such brilliance of strategy as this that I was able
to do the Bosch out of that little dinner he meant to have in Paris. It
was owing to the same, and to my being overheard to remark that I could
run the blessed War by myself better than this, that I was given a pen
and a piece of blotting-paper and told to carry on. After which, of
course, the wretched Bosch never even got as far as Calais.

Truly a remarkable man! But hear the crisis of my career.

This letter is written in England. If you would only read your morning
paper properly, you would know why. Looking down the Births Column to
see if anybody you know has been born, you would have noticed that We,
Henry, are the father of a son, a tall, good-looking fellow, who weighs
eight, eighteen or eighty pounds (I could not be sure which) and is a
man of few words, obviously the strong silent sort.

On hearing the news we at once reported our achievement to the Staff and
asked what we were to do about it. We were informed that, as far as we
were concerned, the War stood adjourned for eight days. Later, as we
stood in the street trying to think it all out and to remodel our
demeanour so as to suggest the responsibility and respectability of a
father, we were asked severely why we were standing idle, and told that,
unless we were seen forthwith moving off for England at the double,
action would be taken. So home, where we were very respectfully saluted
by the New Draft. A strange but nice woman who had the parade in hand
invited us to come a little closer, but this we refused to do, giving as
our reason that we were beginning as we meant to go on and that undue
familiarity is bad for discipline. We then addressed a few kind words to
the Lady in the Case, who appeared to take it all very much as a matter
of course, and wit