.

At the Club, immense astonishment. Again explained. Members tapped their
foreheads, and said I had better see the Doctor. Why? Then they all
avoided me. Grand chance to show my ability "to support solitude, and to
endure silence." Deuced dull, but it saved me from "the poisoned
atmosphere of crowded rooms." Began to feel hungry about lunch-time, but
happily remembered that "it is not luxury which is enervating, it is
over-eating." Exhausted, but virtuous. Remembered that I had to dine at
my aunt's. Awkward! Could I go in that dress? She is so prim, and so
prejudiced in favour of trousers. Also she is so rich, and I was her
heir. It needs money to obtain the luxury which the great teacher
advocates. Hurried home, and put on hateful evening dress. Avoided
hansoms, they being too much connected with one "ugly hurry-skurry," and
drove to my aunt's in a damp, dirty four-wheeler. Even the new moralist
herself would have been satisfied with the slowness of that.

At dinner sat between two charming women, evidently as clever as they
were beautiful. Suddenly remembered that we "lose the subtle and fine
flavours of our best dishes, because we consider ourselves obliged to
converse with somebody," and after that did not speak a word. Charming
women stared, and then each turned towards me a beautiful shoulder, and
I saw her face no more. Was just enjoying the flavours when I
recollected that nothing "can make even tolerable, artistically
speaking, the sight of men and women sitting bolt upright close together
taking their soup." We were long past the soup, but it was not too late.
I left the table at once, and reclined elegantly on the floor, with my
plate by my side. "AUGUSTUS," said my Aunt, "are you ill?" I shook my
head; I could not speak, for I was just enjoying an unusually subtle
flavour. Then one of the guests, a member of my Club, whispered to my
aunt, and tapped his forehead. Then she tapped her forehead, and all the
guests tapped their foreheads. I had finished that flavour, so I said,
"My dear Aunt, I am not mad, I----" "Then," said she, "you must be
intoxicated. Leave the house!" And, with the butler and the footmen
escorting me to the street-door, I was obliged to do so.

It is all over. I know that my Aunt will bequeath her fortune to the
Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Ancient Buildings among the
Jews, but I am consoled by the thought that I, at least, have followed
the noble teachings of the New Moral