rchases another packet, and is rewarded by an
eyeglass, constructed of cardboard and coloured gelatine, which he
flings into the circle in a fury._) 'Tis nobbut a darned swindle--and
I've done wi' ye! Ye're all a pack o' rogues together!

[Exit, amidst laughter from the rest, whose confidence,
however, has been rewarded by very similar results.

_The Y. M._ He don't know what he's lost by givin' way to his narsty
temper--but there, _I_ forgive 'im! (_He begins to replace the remaining
parcels in the chest; one packet escapes his notice, and is instantly
pounced upon by a sharp, but penniless urchin._) Now, Gentlemen, I'm
'ere reppersentin' two Charitable Institootions--the Blind Asylum, and
the Idjut Orfins--but I'm bloomin' sorry to say that, _this_ time, arter
I've deducted my little trifling commission, there'll be a bloomin'
little to 'and over to either o' them deservin' Sercieties; so, thenkin'
you all, and wishin' you bloomin' good luck, and 'appiness and
prosperity through life, I'll say good-bye to yer.

_The Sharp Urchin_ (_after retiring to a safe distance with his booty._)
Theer's _summat_ inside of 'un--I can 'ear un a-rartlin' ... 'ow many
_moor_ wrops! 'Tis money, fur sartin!... (_Removes the last wrapping._)
Nawthen but a silly owld cough-drop! (_He calls after the_ Young Man,
_who is retreating with_ Mr. Fairplay, _and his spotty friend._) I've a
blamed good mind to 'ave th' Lar on ye fur that, I hev--a chatin' foaks
i' sech a way! Why don't ye act honest?

[_Is left masticating the cough-lozenge in speechless
indignation._

* * * * *

"THE SINS OF SOCIETY."

READ yesterday, in the _Fortnightly_, this article by OUIDA. Resolved to
follow her teachings at once. Changed my "frightful, grotesque, and
disgraceful male costume" for the most picturesque garments I had--a
kilt, a blue blazer, and a yellow turban, which I once wore at a fancy
dress ball. Then strolled along Piccadilly to the Club. Rather cool.
Having abandoned "the most vulgar form of salutation, the shake-hands,"
bowed distantly to several men I had known for years--but they looked
another way. Met a policeman. "Hullo!" he said. "Come out o' that! Your
place is in the road." He mistook me for a sandwich-man! Explained that
I was advocating a new style of dress. "Where's yer trousers?" he asked.
"Trousers!" I cried. "Why, OUIDA"--but it was useless to explain to such
a fool--so I left him