p. 'It's
that which attracts folks and fills the pews.'

"'Personality shucks!' says I. 'Haven't we had personality enough? For
every man it attracts it repels two. Your last preacher was one of the
best fellers that ever struck this town. He was a plum brick, and had
lots o' horse sense, to boot. He could preach, too, like a house afire.
But you kicked him out because he wasn't sociable enough. You're askin'
an impossibility. No man can be a student and get up the rattlin'
sermons he did, and put in his time trottin' around callin' on the
sisters.

"'Now, let's apply business sense to this problem. That's the way I run
my store. Find out what the people want and give it to 'em, is my motto.
Now, people ain't comin' to church unless there's somethin' to draw 'em.
We've tried preachin', and it won't draw. They say they want
sociability, so let's give it to 'em strong. They want attention paid to
'em. You turn my friend here loose in the community, and he'll make each
and every man, woman and child think they're it in less'n a month. If
anybody gets disgruntled, you sic John Henry here on 'em, and you'll
have 'em come right back a-runnin', and payin' their pew rent in
advance.

"'Then,' I continued, 'that ain't all. There's another idea I propose,
to go along with the pastor, as a sort of side line. That's tradin'
stamps. Simple, ain't it? Wonder why you never thought of it yourselves,
don't you? That's the way with all bright ideas. People drink soda water
all their lives, and along comes a genius and hears the fizz, and goes
and invents a Westinghouse brake. Same as Newton and the apple, and
Columbus and the egg.

"'All you have to do is to give tradin' stamps for attendance, and your
church fills right up, and John Henry keeps 'em happy. Stamps can be
redeemed at any store. So many stamps gets, say a parlor lamp or a
masterpiece of Italian art in a gilt frame; so many more draws a steam
cooker or an oil stove; so many more and you have a bicycle or a hair
mattress or a what-not; and so on up to where a hat full of 'em gets an
automobile.

"'I tell you when a family has a what-not in their eye they ain't goin'
to let a little rain keep 'em home from church. If they're all really
too sick to go they'll hire a substitute. And I opine these here stamps
will have a powerful alleviatin' effect on Sunday-sickness.

"'And then,' I went on, waxin' eloquent, and leanin' the pastor against
the wall, so I could put one han