When a man gits into trubble, these sub editurs go
fur him right strait, and they force their curosity away down into his
heart strings, and bore into his buzzom with an augur as hard and as
cold as chilld iron. Then away they go to skatter his feelins and
sekrets to the wide, wide world. You see the poor feller can't help
himself, for if he won't talk they'll go off and slander him, and make
the publik beleeve he's dun sumthing mean, and is ashamed to own it.
I've knowd em to go into a dungeon and interview a man who dident have
two hours to live. Dot rot em. I wish one of em would try to interview
me. If he didn't catch leather under his coat tail it would be bekaus he
retired prematurely--that's all. But I like editurs sorter--especially
sum. I like them that is the guardeens of sleepin' liberty, and good
morals, and publik welfare, and sich like; but there's sum kinds I don't
like. Them what makes sensation a bizness; feedin' the peepul on
skandal, and crime, and gossip, and private quarrels, and them what
levies black mail on polytiks, and won't go for a man who won't pay em,
and will go for a man that will. Them last watch for elekshun times jest
like a sick frog waitin' for rain.

As Bill Nations used to say, I'd drather be a luniak and gnaw chains in
an asylum, than to be an editur that everybody feard and nobody
respekted.

THE TWO BUSINESS MEN

BY CAROLYN WELLS

Once on a Time two Business Men were Each Confronted with what seemed to
be a Fine Chance to Make Money.

One Man, being of a Cautious and Prudent Nature, said: "I will not Take
Hold of this Matter until I have Carefully Examined it in All its
Aspects and Inquired into All its Details."

While he was thus Occupied in a thorough Investigation he Lost his
Chance of becoming a Partner in the Project, and as It proved to be a
Booming Success, he was Much Chagrined.

The Other Man, when he saw a Golden Opportunity Looming Up Before him,
Embraced it at once, without a Preliminary Question or Doubt.

But alas! after he had Invested all his Fortune in it, the Scheme proved
to be Worthless, and he Lost all his Money.

MORALS:

This Fable teaches that you should Strike While the Iron is Hot, and
Look Before you Leap.

THE RETORT

BY GEORGE P. MORRIS

Old Nick, who taught the village school,
Wedded a maid of homespun habit;
He was stubborn as a mule,
She was playful as a rabbit.

Poor Jane had scarce