if both eyes was riding the bridge of the nose side-saddle,
or if they was crowding the ears for position.

"'Now, as to the Adamses' apple, which he would consider next in this
brief reply,' he went on to explain, 'Science teached us that the
Adamses' apple didn't have no regular functions to speak of, and what
few it did have bore no relation to the consumption of licker in the
reg'lar and customary manner, viz., to-wit, by swallowing of the same
from demijohn, dipper, tumbler or gourd. The Adamses' apple was but a
natchel ornament nestled at the base of the chin whiskers. He asked if
any gen'elman in the sound of his voice ever see a bowlder on the side
of a dreen, enlessen it was covered, in whole or in part, by vines? The
same wise provision of Nature was to be observed in the Adamses' apple,
it being, ef he mout be pardoned for using such a figger of speech, at
sich a time, the bowlder, and the chin whiskers, the vine.

"'It's the size that counts,' said Colonel Bud Crittenden. 'It natchelly
stands to reason that a big scaffolded-up man like Stony Bugg can
chamber more licker than a little runt like that Burnett. Why, he could
do it if Burnett was spangled all over with Adamses' apples and all of
them palpitating like skeered lizards. He could do it if Burnett's eyes
were so fur apart he was cross-eyed behind. Besides, this here Burnett
is a mountaineering gen'elman, and I mistrust not, he's been educated
altogether on white moonshine licker fresh out of the still. When red
licker, with some age behind it, takes holt of his abbreviated vitals
he's shore going to wilt and wilt sudden and complete.

"'Red licker, say about fourteen year old, is mighty deceivin' to a
mountaineer. It tastes so smooth he forgets that it's strong enough to
take off warts.'

"Well, suzz, that argument fetched us and we all coincided; all but
Squire Buck Throckmorton, who still looked mighty dubiousome. Anyway,
Stony Bugg, he went out and found this here Mister Wash Burnett and
invited him to see if there was anything left in the bar; and Burnett,
he fell into the trap, not apparently suspicioning nothing, and said he
didn't care if he did. So they sashayed off together t'wards the nighest
grocery arm in arm.

"Being puffectly easy in our minds, we all went back to the convention
hall 'bout half past two. The Forks of Elkhorn William Jinnings Bryan
and Silver Cornet Band was there and give a concert, playin 'Dixie' foah
times and 'Ol