came up the question of picking out the party of the second
part, as Colonel Bud said he would call him for short. Colonel Bud said
he felt the proper object for treatment, beyond the peradventure of a
doubt, was that there Mr. Wash Burnett, of Bear Grass.

"He believed the caucus would ricolect this here Burnett gen'elman
referred to by the Chair. And when he described him we all done so,
owing to his onusual appearance. He was a little teeny feller, rising of
five feet tall, with a cough that unbuttoned his vest about every three
minutes. He had eyes 'way round on the side of his head like a
grasshopper and the blamest, busiest, biggest, scariest, nervousest
Adamses' apple I ever see. It 'peared like it tried to beat his brains
out every time he taken a swaller of licker--or even water.

"Right there old Squire Buck Throckmorton objected to the selection of
Mr. Wash Burnett. Near as I can recall here's what Squire says:

"'You all air suttenly fixing to make a monstrous big mistake. I've give
a heap of study in my time to this question of licker drams. I have
observed that when you combine in a gen'elman them two features jest
mentioned--a Adamses' apple that's always running up and down like a cat
squirrel on a snag, and eyes away 'round yonder so's he can see both
ways at once without moving his head--you've got a gen'elman that's
specially created to store away licker.

"'I don't care ef your Bear Grass County man is so shortwaisted he can
use his hip pockets for year-muffs in the winter time. Concede, if you
will, that every time he coughs it shakes the enamel off'n his teeth.
The pint remains, I repeat, my feller citizens, that there ain't no
licker ever distilled can throw him with them eyes and that there
Adamses' apple. You gen'elmen 'd a sight better pick out some big feller
which his eyes is bunched up close together like the yallers in a double
yolk aig and which his Adamses' apple is comparatively stationary.'

"But Colonel Bud, he wouldn't listen. Maybe he was kinder jealous at
seeing old Squire Buck Throckmorton setting hisse'f up as a jedge of
human nature that-a-way. Even the greatest of us air but mortal, and I
reckon Colonel Bud wouldn't admit that anybody could outdo him reading
character offhand, and he taken the floor agin. Replying to his
venerable friend and neighbor, he would say that the Squire was talking
like a plain derned fool. Continuing he would add that it didn't make no
difference