nd I think my
list of events should prove an attractive one. It runs as follows:--

1. _Pebble and Tent Competition._--Fathers of families only. To be run if
possible at low tide on a wet and windy day. Competitors to leave starting
post in ordinary attire, enter tent, emerge in bathing costume, strike
tents, sprint over shingle to the sea, swim to a given point, return, pitch
tents, dress and run to winning-post.

FIRST PRIZE, a ham sandwich, with real sand.

2. _Sock Race._--Under ten. Competitors to start barefooted in rock-pools
and race at the sound of a dinner-bell to nurses, have feet dried, put on
shoes and stockings and run to row of buns at top of beach. First bun down
wins. Points deducted for sand in socks.

3. _Hundred Yards Paddle Dash._--To be run along the edge of surf. Handicap
by position. Tallest competitor to have deepest station. Open to all ages
and sexes. Feet to be lifted clear of the water at every stride. Properly
raced this is a fine frothy event, productive of the greatest enthusiasm,
especially if the trousers come unrolled.

4. _Sand Castle Contest._--Open to all families of eight. Twenty minutes
time limit. Largest castle wins. Moats must contain real sea-water.

5. _Impromptu Picnic._--Ladies only. Materials must be collected from the
village shops, brought down to beach and spread out at winning flag. For
the purpose of this competition the sports must take place on a Thursday,
when the weekly visit of the greengrocer coincides with one of the
bi-weekly visits of the baker from Framford. Eggs and butter must be
obtained at the Mill Farm, and you can do the rest at the post-office.

6. _Fifty Yards Hat Race._--Under five. Fathers to be seated in a row on
beach. Competitors to remove fathers' hats, run twenty-five yards, fill
hats with sand, return and replace hats.

In order to prevent any ill-feeling that might arise from the thought that
I had practised any of these races in private beforehand I have elected to
be the judge.

EVOE.

* * * * *

[Illustration: A SESSION OF COMMON SENSE.

ERIN. "I'VE GREAT HOPES OF THIS NEW DEVELOPMENT; BUT OF COURSE IT'S NOT AN
OFFICIAL CONFERENCE."

PEACE. "WELL, TO JUDGE BY MY EXPERIENCE, IT'S NONE THE WORSE FOR THAT."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: MODERN BUSINESS METHODS.

_Patron._ "DIDN'T I GIVE YOU SOMETHING IN HIGH STREET THIS MORNING?"

_Artist._ "YES, MUM. I'VE A BRAN