pathy with Mr. Pottigrew, and resigned herself to a
diet of slops until she could be furnished with new means of mastication.

Next day, a Saturday, came the climax. Early in the evening an urgent
telegram summoned Mr. Pottigrew back from Brighton. Hastening home, he was
received by a wife distraught.

"What did I tell you?" she wailed. "Send for Sir CONAN DOYLE. Poor dear
Aubrey! The doctor is upstairs with him."

Mr. Pottigrew hurriedly ascended to the bedroom of his son and heir, a fine
healthy youth, just of an age to appreciate his father's cigars. (This, of
course, is a pre-Budget story.)

The young fellow lying upon the bed smiled bravely as his father entered,
but Mr. Pottigrew was shocked to see that he smiled with toothless gums. A
grave professional-looking man rose from the bedside and beckoned Mr.
Pottigrew out of the room.

"This extraordinary case, Sir," said the doctor as he closed the door
behind him, "is the outcome of causes quite beyond the present scope of the
medical profession. The sound, strong, firm teeth--a splendid set--of a
healthy young man do not jump out of his head of their own accord, every
one of them, for any natural reason."

He paused and lowered his voice as he continued: "I am afraid, Mr.
Pottigrew, however reluctant we may be to admit the possibility, that there
is no doubt that you have taken a haunted house. The previous tenant was a
dentist--poor Mr. Acres. The room which is your study was his operating
room. _He died in that room while administering gas to himself preparatory
to extracting his own teeth._"

* * * * *

[Illustration: _North-Country Farmer_ (_to Profiteer fishing the Fell
becks_). "CAUGHT OWT?"

_Profiteer._ "I'VE NOT ACTUALLY LANDED ANY, BUT THINK I HAD A RISE--UNLESS
IT WAS THE SPLASH FROM MY MINNOW."]

* * * * *

MRS. GAMP REDIVIVA.

"Nurse; 39; experienced bottle fed; L40 to L50."--_Daily Paper._

* * * * *

SPEEDING THE PARTING GUEST.

"Oban is proving an attractive centre, for Lord ----, Lady ---- and
many others have departed thence during the last day or so."--_Daily
Paper._

We think it only kind to suppress the names.

* * * * *

"All new demands for capital, whether for private or public purposes,
had been met out of the sayings of the people."--_Daily Paper._

Mr. Punch may perhaps