at I was far from jesting. She
tried to smile, but it was a painful effort, and she found it much easier
to conceal her face in her hands and weep.

My recollection of the subsequent events of that evening is extremely dim.
There was a confused crowd of flying thoughts; many tears and much
friendship on one side, and much love on the other. She had received me as
I knew she would, and though by the confession there was a great weight
removed from my breast, the anguish was not less intense. One thing,
however, among the hurried occurrences of that hour, I did not lose sight
of, and that was pride. She did not suspect at the time how much of my
heart, not to say existence, was bound up in her, or how greatly both were
affected by her answer.

The closing scene of the interview is the one which I most love to
remember. We were standing at the door, her hand in mine, a mournful smile
on her lips, and a tear in her eye. That bright, gentle face was pale with
sorrow, and pity, and pain, and above all with fear. I gazed on it a
moment, but in that moment the picture was graven indelibly on my memory.
The 'good night' was spoken; and that is the last time I ever saw my
cousin Jane.

The next morning I sat down at an inn by the way-side, several miles
distant from home, and sent back a few lines of farewell:

'My only beloved! You must pardon me for this note. The adieu of last
evening was only for the night; I wish to say good bye this morning, for a
longer time. Your answer to my suit was not unexpected; in fact, I knew it
would be as it was; and it was only a fatality, a blind impulse, that
drove me to make that disclosure. I fear that it has given you pain, and I
beg you to forgive my thoughtlessness. And in turn, you may rest assured
that I forgive you for all the anguish and sickness of spirit that I have
suffered on your account. There is nothing to be forgiven; I know that you
would not cause unhappiness to any one, and it has been my own folly and
madness. But I promise not to lay it up in my heart against you. I promise
that in future years, wherever my lot may be cast, you shall be in my
memory, only my pure, sweet, innocent cousin. And so, blessings be on your
head! I go forth a vagabond and a wanderer on the face of the earth. It is
probable that you will never hear from me again; and I pray you to forget
our last interview, that your thoughts may be only peace. I would live in
your remembrance as I was when we