riches to my integrity on other occasions, so now I had given up my
shadow for mere wealth; and what ought, what could become of me?
I continued still sadly discomposed, when the coach stopped before the
old tavern. I was shocked at the thought of again entering that vile
garret. I sent for my baggage, took up the miserable bundle with
contempt, threw the servants some pieces of gold, and ordered to be
driven to the principal hotel. The house faced the north, so I had
nothing to fear from the sun. I dismissed the driver with gold, selected
the best front room, and locked myself in as soon as possible.
And how do you imagine I employed myself? Oh! my beloved Chamisso, I
blush to confess it even to you. I drew forth the luckless purse from my
bosom, and impelled by a sort of madness which burned and spread within
me like a furious conflagration, I shook out gold, and gold, and gold,
and still more gold;--strewed it over the floor, trampled on it, and made
it tinkle, and feasting my weak senses on the glitter and the sound, I
added pile to pile, till I sunk exhausted on the golden bed. I rolled
about and wallowed in delicious delirium. And so the day passed by, and
so the evening. My door remained unopened, and night found me still
reposing on the gold, when sleep at length overcame me.
Then I dreamed of you. I fancied I was standing close to the glass door
of your little apartment, and saw you sitting at your work-table, between
a skeleton and a parcel of dried plants. Haller, Humboldt, and Linnaeus
lay open before you;--on your sofa were a volume of Goethe, and _The
Magic Ring_. {37} I looked at you for a long time, then at everything
around you, and then at you again; but you moved not--you breathed
not--you were dead.
I awoke: it seemed to be yet early--my watch had stopped;--I felt as if I
had been bastinadoed--yet both hungry and thirsty, for since the previous
morning I had eaten nothing. With weariness and disgust I pushed away
from me the gold, which but a little time before had satiated my foolish
heart: I now in my perplexity knew not how to dispose of it. But it
could not remain there. I tried to put it again into the purse--no; none
of my windows opened upon the sea. I was obliged to content myself by
dragging it with immense labour and difficulty to a large cupboard, which
stood in a recess, where I packed it up. I left only a few handfuls
lying about. When I had finished my labour, I
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