meaningly at_ JARP.

_Col. Debenham_ (_improvising gag_). "Oh, confound that bird! I must have
it removed. I'll ring for the butler."

[_Rings. Enter_ JARP _as_ BINNS.

_Binns._ "'Er Ladyship's compliments, Colonel DEBENHAM, and she would
like----"

_Spinks_ (_in a whisper of concentrated fury to_ JARP). Not yet; take that
infernal parrot away, quick!

_Jarp_ (_loses his head; still the Butler is strong within him_). "'Er
Ladyship is served!"

_Spinks_ (_aloud_). "Oh, nonsense--nonsense, man! You're an idiot. Here,
take this bird, and kill it!"

[_Seizes cage, thrusts it into the flustered_ JARP'S
_arms, and pushes him off, the Parrot, horribly
frightened, yelling, "Old fool!"_

_Lady Surbiton._ How dare he speak of Penelope in that way? Kill her! If
Mr. JARP so much as lays a finger upon her----

_Lord S._ She'll bite him. Oh, you may make your mind quite easy about that
parrot. She's bitten every finger of mine to the bone, and I'm certain
she's quite equal to defending herself against JARP.

_The Act proceeds without any further hitch, until_
BELINDA _wheels on her double perambulator containing
two red-headed infants, one of whom is terrified into
tears and calls for "Father!" in a shrill voice. After
this everything, however, goes well, and the Curtain
falls amidst thunders of applause._

BEHIND THE CURTAIN.

_Spinks._ Yes, GUSHBY, I believe you did it. You were closeted with that
parrot for an hour yesterday. I believe you deliberately taught it to say
that, in order to crab my part. What's more, I'm certain of it, for I
distinctly recognised your voice in the parrot's.

_Gushby._ Pooh! nonsense! If I had taught it to say anything, it would have
been something worse than that, you may be sure.

_Spinks._ You always were kind. As for JARP, he was in the plot. Otherwise
do you think any man could have made such a fool of himself?

IN FRONT OF THE CURTAIN.

_Lady Surbiton._ That's what I've always said. There's so much _esprit de
corps_ and good feeling amongst Amateurs--none of that wretched jealousy
and bickering which ruins professionals.

_Mrs. Gagmore._ It is delightful to listen to them, certainly. They all
look and act like perfect gentlemen. All Mr. JARP'S Butlers are splendid.
You can see at a glance that they have only been with good families.

BEHIND THE CURTAIN.

_Hon. B. Boldero._ I fancy we shall have good notices to-morrow in