"Well," murmured the Editor, after some consideration, "I think you may be
useful, after all, if we are helped by the Doctors."

* * * * *

"What a fuss they are making about this new rival of ours!" said Measles,
angrily.

"Too absurd!" commented Scarlatina, in a tone of annoyance.

Then there was a grand procession. First came Correspondents, then
Interviewed Physicians, then the General Public. It was a sight that had
never been seen before. In the midst of the excitement an Ailment appeared.

"Why, bless me!" cried Measles. "Only fancy!"

"Can I believe my eyes?" shouted Scarlatina. "Why, it's poor little
Cold-in-the-head, that no one used to care a jot about six months ago!"

"Silence!" said the Ailment, with great dignity. "You must learn to treat
me with the respect due to my exalted station. And please don't call me
'Cold-in-the-head,' for I am known as 'The Russian Influenza!'"

Then the Ailment turned towards _Mr. Punch_, who (as was his wont) was
smiling, and bade him do homage.

"Not a bit of it," exclaimed the Sage of Fleet Street, raising a glass of
Ammoniated Tincture of Quinine to his lips, and quaffing merrily a
teaspoonful. "I defy you! You are puffed up with conceit, my poor little
Illness, and when, in a few weeks' time, we have another sensation to talk
and think about, you will sink back into your native obscurity."

And _Mr. Punch_ (as the event will prove) was--as he always is--entirely
right!

* * * * *

AT THE PORTE ST. MARTIN.--If there were ever any question as to the genius
of SARA BERNHARDT, she has now settled it by appearing as _Jeanne d'Arc_,
and showing us what she is Maid of. By the way, as of course she wears
golden or auburn hair, _Jeanne d'Arc_ must appear as _Jeanne_ Light.
Irreverent scoffers may say this is historically correct, as from their
point of view _Joan_ was rather light-headed. Of course, _Joan_ is coming
over to London. Why not to Mr. HARE'S Theatre, and finish the evening with
a prime Garrick Stake.

* * * * *

[Illustration: MR. PUNCH'S EXHIBITION OF GRAND "OLD
MASTERS."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: "ALL ALIVE!"

_Cheesemonger._ "WHAT IS IT, MY DEAR?"

_Little Girl._ "OH, MOTHER'S SENT BACK THIS PIECE O'
CHEESE, 'CAUSE FATHER SAYS IF WE WANTS ANY BAIT WHEN
HE'S A GOIN' A FISHIN', HE CAN DIG 'EM