ll you I lent Mr. SPINKS my pet parrot,
Penelope, for this performance?

_Mrs. G._ No, dear. I didn't know they ever played it with a parrot.

_Lady S._ Well, they don't usually, but Mr. SPINKS told me that, after
studying the piece very very carefully, he had come to the conclusion that
there ought to be a parrot in _Lady Shorthorn's_ drawing-room, and he
begged me to lend him mine. Fortunately it scarcely ever talks. Oh, there's
Mr. PENFOLD! How old he's getting to look. He never seems to have a good
word to say for anyone in his critiques. They're very late in beginning. I
hope nothing has happened to Penelope. Ah! at last.

_The Orchestra strikes up. After a few minutes the
Curtain rises on "the Drawing-room at Bullivant Court."
Sc. 1, Act 1._ HARRY HALL, _in livery as_ JOHN _the
Footman, is reclining on a sofa, reading a magazine.
Penelope, in her cage, is a conspicuous object on the_
O.P. _side_.

_John_ (_yawning_). "Nothink in the _Fortnightly_, as per usual. Heigh-ho!
This is slow work. Who's that?"

_Enter_ BELINDA, _the Nursery-maid. The usual amatory
scene follows. They both disappear, as_ TIFFINGTON
SPINKS _enters made up as_ "Colonel DEBENHAM," _with a
saffron complexion, a grey moustache, a red tie and an
iron-grey wig. He shivers. A great deal of preliminary
applause. He bows with dignity, conscious of his fame,
and proceeds._

_Col. Debenham._ "Ugh! how horribly cold this is. I shall have to speak
seriously to SHORTHORN about the state of his fires."

_Penelope the Parrot_ (_suddenly and with terrible distinctness_). "Old
fool!" [_A titter from the irreverent._ SPINKS _pays no heed to the
interruption._

_Lady Surbiton._ How awful! I declare I haven't heard Penelope speak for
six months. I hope to heaven she won't do it again.

_Mrs. Gagmore._ I thought it sounded so natural.

_Lord S._ So it did, that's why it was so out of place. He's getting on all
right now, though.

_Col. Debenham_ (_concluding a peppery soliloquy_). "And as for Lady
SHORTHORN and that spiteful cat of a sister of hers, all I can say of TOM
DEBENHAM is----"

_Penelope_ (_loudly_). "Old fool!"

[_Whistles up and down the scale. Much laughter._
SPINKS _feels that violent measures are necessary if
the piece is not to be utterly ruined. He perceives_
JARP _standing at the wings made up as_ BINNS _the
Butler. A happy thought flashes on him. He nods