ng us of their passionate
determination to get away back to the old folks?

And would I be right in my surmise that very few homes in Wigan have
roses round the door or stand in fields of growing cotton and corn or
reek of new-mown hay?

And why is it that, when you tell a man there are so many million
stars in the skies, he will believe you, but the moment he sees a
notice on a gate bearing the words "Wet Paint" he puts his finger upon
it just to find out for himself?

And why did Mrs. ASQUITH----But perhaps that will be enough for the
Professor to be going on with.

* * * * *

=Commercial Candour.=

"My Studio is the most up-to-date and my methods of photography
just a little bit different."--_Canadian Paper._

* * * * *
[Illustration: _Hostess._ "WHAT--GOING ALREADY? WHY, IT'S ONLY THREE
O'CLOCK."

_Guest._ "I KNOW. BUT I'M DEAD TIRED, AND I'VE GOT TO BE UP EARLY FOR
A '_DEJEUNER DANSANT_.'"]

* * * * *

A NOTE ON THE DRAMA.

["_Hamlet_ was not a business man."--Mr. A. B. WALKLEY.]

Had he but learned the useful knowledge
And that essential grasp of things
Which training at a business college
(If diligently followed) brings,
We should have had, no doubt,
A _Hamlet_ with the "moody" Dane left out.

He'd not have stalked in gloomy fashion
Nor wanted to soliloquise,
But rather, undisturbed by passion,
He would have sat Napoleon-wise,
Chewing an unlit weed
And talking down the telephone (full speed).

Planning a "book" to suit his players,
He would have sought a theme less grim,
For tragedies are doubtful payers;
Revue would be the stuff for him,
Scanty in dress and plot,
With dancers featuring the Hammy Trot.

He missed one glorious proposition--
The money would have come in stacks
If he had shown the Apparition
For half-a-crown (including tax),
And, though 'twas after eight,
Added a side-line trade in chocolate.

At other stunts we find him lacking;
Thus, when he met _Laertes_, he
Did not secure a proper backing
Nor nominate the referee;
And, what was even worse,
Did no finessing for a bigger purse.

Had _Hamlet_ made it his endeavour
To seize each chance of lawful gain,
Certain it is that there would never
Have been a doubt that he was sane;
And then perhaps Ac