n't you the liberal gink?' I says, as he hands me the ticket.

"'I starts fur the next book, but say!--the odds is just meltin' away.
Joe's 'n' Cal's dough is comin' down the line, 'n' the gazabos,
thinkin' it's wise money, trails. By post-time the bird's a
one-to-three shot.

"I've give the mount to Sweeney, 'n' like a nut I puts him hep to the
bird, 'n' he tells his valet to bet a hundred fur him. The bird has on
socks again, but this time they're empty, 'n' the race was a joke. He
breaks fifth at the get-away, but he just mows them dogs down. Sweeney
keeps thinkin' about that hundred, I guess, 'cause he rode the bird all
the way, 'n' finished a million len'ths in front.

"I cashes my ticket, 'n' starts fur the barn to sleep with that bird,
when here comes Joe Nickel.

"'He run a nice race,' he says, grinnin', 'n' hands me six hundred
bucks.

"What's this fur?' I says. 'You better be careful . . . I got a weak
heart.'

"'I win twelve hundred to the race,' he says. ''N' we splits it two
ways.'

"'Nothin' doin',' I says, 'n' tries to hand him back the wad.

"'Go awn!' he says, 'I'll give you a soak in the ear. I bet that money
fur you, kiddo.'

"I looks at the roll 'n' gets wobbly in the knees. I never see so much
kale before--not at one time. Just then we hears the announcer sing
out through a megaphone:

"'The o-o-owner of Count Nobul-l-l-l is wanted in the judge's stand!'

"'Oy, oy!' says Joe. 'You'll need that kale--you're goin' to lose your
happy home. It's Katy bar the door fur yours, Bud!'

"'Don't worry--watch me tell it to 'em,' I says to Joe, as I stuffs the
roll 'n' starts fur the stand. I was feelin' purty good.

"'Wait a minute,' says Joe, runnin' after me. 'You can't tell them
people nothin'. You ain't wise to that bunch yet. Bud--why, they'll
kid you silly before they hand it to you, 'n' then change the subject
to somethin' interestin', like where to get pompono cooked to suit 'em.
I've been up against it,' he says, ''n' I'm tellin' you right. Just
keep stallin' around when you get in the stand, 'n' act like you don't
know the war's over.'

"'Furget it,' I says. 'I'll show those big stiffs where to head in.
I'll hypnotize the old owls. I'll give 'em a song 'n' dance that's
right!'

"As I goes up the steps I see the judges settin' in their chairs, 'n' I
takes off my hat. Colonel King ain't settin', he's standin' up with
his hands in his pockets. Somehow, when I sees