which your friend pays twopence more,
Is balm unto the soul.

And cheaper than that Hansom cab
Whose tale I've told thee thus,
Far cheaper it had been to take
The stately omnibus!

To take the stately omnibus
Where all together sit;
Each takes his ticket in his hands,
Obeys the Company's commands,
And pays his pence for it.

And if you would not find yourself
Wrecked in the Edgware Road,
Do not be vulgar and declare
You wish you may be blowed!

* * * * *

[Illustration]

THE "MASHER'S" ANSWER,

[Dr. ARABELLA KENEALY, in the _Westminster Review_, is severe on the
young men of the day for not dancing, and avoiding matrimony.]

Bless me, Doctor ARABELLA,
Hard a lady's hand can strike!
Do you really mean a fella'
Is to dance; just when you like?
Why so savagely sarcastic,
That we will not "take the floor"
And account the "light fantastic"
An unmitigated bore?

You avow we're shy of marriage.
Is not that too hard again?
When a maiden wants a carriage,
And a mansion in Park Lane,
Diamonds, furs, and opera-boxes:
Although ardently one loves,
All the balance I've at Cox's
Wouldn't keep a girl in gloves.

* * * * *

"WILL YOU, WONT YOU?"

_(A Lay of the Lord Chancellor. Very latest Version, NOT from "Iolanthe."_)

[Illustration: _Lord Halsbury (to Bill Sikes)_. "IF YOU _DON'T_ SAY
ANYTHING, IT WILL GO AGAINST YOU; AND IF YOU _DO_, IT WILL BE ALL UP WITH
YOU!"]

["The Lord Chancellor declares himself the foe of any 'technical
system' which excludes 'anybody who knows anything about the facts from
the opportunity of stating what is the truth.' ... We may take it that
very soon we shall see that which may appear strange to English
lawyers, but really is most reasonable--the accused stepping out of the
dock into the witness-box, and giving his evidence, subject to the
ordeal of cross-examination. It may be a bad look-out for rogues, but
for nobody else."--_Times_.]

The Law _should_ be the embodiment
Of everything that is excellent.
But I fancy I've found one diminutive flaw
In that else impeccable thing, the Law.
As its constitutional guardian, I
Must extract that mote from the legal eye.
It seems a preposterous paradox
To exclude the accused from the Witness's Box.
To alter that is a dut