ght."

A German tourist expresses himself in regard to his Scottish experiences
as follows: "A person angry says to-day that he was from the theatre
gallary spit upon. Very fine. I also was spit upon. Not on the dress but
into the eye strait it came with strong force while I look up angry to
the gallary. Befor I come to your country I worship the Scotland of my
books, my 'Waverly Novel,' you know, but now I dwell here since six
months, in all parts, the picture change. I now know of the bad smell,
the oath and curse of God's name, the wisky drink and the rudeness. You
have much money here, but you want what money can not buye--heart
cultivating that makes respect for gentle things. O! to be spit in the
eye in one half million of peopled town. Let me no longer be in this
cold country, where people push in the street, blow the noze with naked
finger, empty the dish at the house door, chooze the clergy from the
lower classes and then go with them to death for an ecclesiastical
theory which none of them can understand. I go home three days time."
There is more in this than grotesque English, however. It abounds with
good sense and penetration.

The following is a pattern piece of modern style, sanctioned by an
English Board of Trade, and drawn up by an eminent authority: "Tickets
are nipped at the Barriers, and passengers admitted to the platforms
will have to be delivered up to the Company in event of the holders
subsequently retiring from the platforms without travelling, and cannot
be recognized for readmission."

A college professor, describing the effect of the wind in some Western
forests, wrote, "In traveling along the road, I even sometimes found the
logs bound and twisted together to such an extent that a mule couldn't
climb over them, so I went round."

A mayor in a university town issued the following proclamation: "Whereas
a Multiplicity of Dangers are often incurred by Damage of outrageous
Accidents by Fire, we whose names are undesigned have thought proper
that the Benefit of an Engine bought by us for the better extinguishing
of which by the Accidents of Almighty God may unto us happen to make a
Rate togather Benevolence for the better propagating such useful
Instruments."

II.

By Advertisers and on Sign-boards.

Two young women want washing.

Teeth extracted with great pains.

Babies taken and finished in ten minutes by a country photographer.

Wood and coal split.

Wanted, a female w