s sense of humour,
and that, if they would not take themselves so seriously, they
might produce work that would be a joy, and not a weariness to the
world. Whether or not they will profit by the lessons it is
difficult to say, for dulness has become the basis of
respectability, and seriousness the only refuge of the shallow."

[Illustration: The Artistic Joke.]

CHAPTER IX.

CONFESSIONS OF A COLUMBUS.

The Cause of my Cruise--No Work--The Atlantic Greyhound--Irish
Ship--Irish Doctor--Irish Visitors--Queenstown--A
Surprise--Fiddles--Edward Lloyd--Lib--Chess--The Syren--The
American Pilot--Real and Ideal--Red Tape--Bribery--Liberty--The
Floating Flower Show--The Bouquet--A Bath and a Bishop--"Beastly
Healthy"--Entertainment for Shipwrecked
Sailors--Passengers--Superstition.

AMERICA IN A HURRY--Harry Columbus Furniss--The Inky
Inquisition--First Impressions--Trilby--Tempting
Offers--Kidnapped--Major Pond--Sarony--Ice--James B.
Brown--Fire!--An Explanation.

WASHINGTON--Mr. French of Nowhere--Sold--Interviewed--The Sporting
Editor--Hot Stuff--The Capitol--Congress--House of
Representatives--The Page Boys--The Agent--Filibuster--The
"Reccard"--A Pandemonium--Interviewing the President.

CHICAGO--The Windy City--Blowers--Niagara--Water and Wood--Darkness
to Light--My Vis-a-Vis--Mr. Punch--My Driver--It Grows upon
Me--Inspiration--Harnessing Niagara--The Three Sisters--Incline
Railway--Captain Webb.

[Illustration]

TRAVELLING--Tickets--Thirst--Sancho Panza--Proclaimed States--"The
Amurrican Gurl"--A Lady Interviewer--The English Girl--A Hair
Restorer--Twelfth Night Club Reception at a Ladies' Club--The Great
Presidential Election--Sound Money _v._ Free
Silver--Slumland--Detective O'Flaherty.

I never felt better in my life, but my friends all assured me that I
looked ill. If I wasn't ill, I ought to be. I must be overworked and
break down. I had "burnt the candle at both ends and in the middle as
well," and it was a duty I owed to humanity to collapse. For years I
had done the work of three men with the constitution of one, so one day
it came to pass that I was forced by my friends into the consulting-room
of a celebrated physician, labelled "Ill. To be returned to Dead Letter
Office, or to be sent by foreign mail to some distant land, or to be
cremated o