MAY SAY
WHAT THEY LIKE AGIN THE COUNTY COUNCIL; _I_ SAYS THEY'RE
JOLLY GOOD FELLERS."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: MISPLACED QUOTATIONS.

_Young Jones_ (_who, five minutes before the
announcement of Dinner, has been introduced to Miss
Sprightly, and has been endeavouring to find a fitting
remark wherewith to open the conversation._)
"THIS--ER--I BELIEVE IS CALLED THE--ER--_'MAUVAIS QUART
D'HEURE'!_"]

* * * * *

"THE WANDERING MINSTREL."

(_Modern Kensington Version._)

[The London County Council has declined to co-operate
with the Kensington Vestry in a representation to the
Home Secretary for more efficient control over
itinerant musicians, street-cries, and similar
nuisances, on the ground that though the Council has
power to make bye-laws for this object, there are no
means of enforcing them.]

SCENE--_Highly respectable Terrace in Kensington. The exterior of_ MR.
TAMBOUR'S _house. Enter_ JEM BAGGS (R.H.) _playing the clarinet badly._

_Jem B._ (_loq._) Vell now! that's vot I calls wery tidy vork!
Bob and a tanner for seven doors ain't none so dusty, blow me!
Summat better this 'ere than orkin' "'All the new and popilar songs
of the day for a penny!" Vot miserable vork that vos to be sure! I vos
allays a cryin' about the streets, "Here y' are--one 'undered and fifty
on 'em pootily bound in a Monster Song Book for a penny!--Here's
'_Ran-ta-rar-roopy-ay!'--'Mary, they 'ave raised my Screw'--'Sling yer
'ook, yer 've got no oof, John.'--'Snide Sammy courted Sally Brown'--'On
the Banks of the yaller Lea.'--'Chummies! Chummies!'--'Fanny
Tooney'--'The Man who ran the Muglumberer's Building Society'--'Dandy
Dan, the Whelk Man, and 'is Donah'--'He vos famed for gargling
Fizz'--'His there a Lip vot never Lapped?'--'A Life on the
Lotion-Lay'--'If I 'ad a Monkey on, vouldn't I go!'--'Down to the Derby
vith a Shallow and a Moke'--'Oh, say not Modern Art is Sold'_--for the
small charge of a penny!" I dessay I might ha' been at that there
callin' to this werry day, if it hadn't been for BOSKY BILL. I shall
never forget BOSKY BILL'S a-sayin' to me--says he, "I say, JEM BAGGS, vy
don't yer take to the singin' line?" "Cos I sings vorser than 'The Big
Bounce,'" says I. "Vorser!" says he, "Vhy so much the betterer!" "Woice
ain't vanted," says he, "only leather and brass. Leather for yer lungs,
and