n a pint of porridge than a leg of mutton. However
(_tolerantly_), if you really won't, I can recommend the rice and
prunes.

_The Neoph._ (_feebly_). I--I'd rather begin with something a little
more----

_Waitress_ (_with a sad foreknowledge that she is casting pearls before
a swine_). We have "Flageolet Fritters and Cabbage," or "Parsnip Pie
with grilled Potatoes"--both very nice.

_The Neoph._ (_braving the unknown_). I'll have some of
this--er--"Cinghalese Stew." [_He awaits the result in trepidation._

_Customer_ (_behind, dictating his bill_). "What have I had?" Let me
see. Braised turnip and bread sauce, fricassee of carrot and artichoke,
tomato omelette, a jam roll, and a bottle of zoedone.

[_The_ Waitress _makes out his voucher accordingly, and
awards it to him, with a bright smile of approval and
encouragement._

_The Enth. V._ (_who has overheard_). A most excellent selection! That's
a man, Sir, who knows how to _live_! Ha! here's my porridge. Will you
give me some brown sugar with it, please? And--(_to the_ N.)--there's
your stew--smells good, eh?

_The Neoph._ (_tasting it, and finding it a cunning compound of curried
bananas and chicory_). I--I like the _smell_--excellent indeed!

[_He attacks the stew warily._

_The Enth. Veg._ (_disposing of his porridge_). There! Now I shall have
some lentils and spinach with parsley sauce, and a Welsh rarebit to
follow--and I think that will about do me. Will you--oh, you haven't
finished your stew yet! By the way, what will you drink? I don't often
indulge in champagne in the middle of the day; but it's my birthday--so
I think we might venture on a bottle between us, eh?

_The Neoph._ (_in whom the Cinghalese Stew has excited a lively
thirst_). By all means. I suppose you know the brands here?

_The Veg. Enth._ Only one brand--non-alcoholic, of course. Manufactured
I believe, from--ah--oranges.

_The Neoph._ Exactly so. After all, I'd just as soon have bottled
ale--if they keep it, that is.

_The Veg. Enth._ Any quantity of it. What shall it be? They've
"Anti-Bass Beer," or "Spruce Stout;" or perhaps you'd like to try their
"Pennyroyal Porter?" I'm rather partial to it myself--capital tonic!

_The Neoph._ I--I've no doubt of it. On second thoughts, if you don't
mind, I'd rather have water. (_To himself._) It doesn't _look_
Vegetarian!

_The Veg. Enth._ (_more heartily than ever_). Just as you please, my
boy. But you don't mean to s