ut to Monte Carlo, or thereabouts,
to see how Sir ARTHUR SULLIVAN is getting on. Sir ARTHUR will, of
course, regulate his conduct at the tables by the prescriptions of his
Medical Adviser.

* * * * *

MR. WAGGSTAFF AND HIS DOCTOR.--He was ordered by his Doctor to walk two
miles a day. "Can't do it in London," was the patient's reply; "never
walk more than one mile. But," he said, brightening up, "I'll go to
Paris, as one mile there is equal to double the distance in England.
How's that? I'll tell you. I do half a mile out, half a mile back: one
mile; _et voila two_!"

* * * * *

"LITTLE TICH" AND "COLLINS."--The former, not the _Little Tich_ of Drury
Lane Pantomime, but Sir HENRY TICHBORNE, Bart., has, for absence of mind
and body, thus not fulfilling his duties as High Sheriff, been fined by
Mr. Justice COLLINS five hundred pounds--_quids pro quo_--unless he can
show some just cause or impediment. "He wants TICH-ing up a bit,"
thought Mr. Justice, but he didn't say so.

* * * * *

REPORTS OF CRACKERS.--If among our old friend SPARAGNAPANE & Co.'s
Crackers there are any that will "go off" better than others it will be
those called _The True Lovers' Code Cosaques_. This is the latest
addition to the School-Board Education Code for the Christmas Holidays.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "SET A THIEF TO CATCH A THIEF!"

_Mrs. Brown_ (_a victim of secret social ambitions_).
"OH, AS FOR POOR MRS. ROBINSON, _HER_ ONLY OBJECT IN
LIFE IS TO DROP ALL HER OLD FRIENDS AND KNOW TITLED
PEOPLE! ISN'T IT LOATHSOME AND SICKENING?"

_Mrs. Jones_ (_who is consumed inwardly by just the same
desire_). "YES, INDEED, IF IT'S TRUE! BUT WHAT MAKES YOU
THINK SHE WANTS ANYTHING SO _UTTERLY_ DESPICABLE AND
MEAN?"

_Mrs. Brown_ (_naively_). "BECAUSE SHE WAS SO PRECIOUS
HARD ON MRS. SMITH FOR TRYING TO KNOW LORD AND LADY
SNOOKS!"]

* * * * *

"THE MISSING WORD." (?)

THIS is "The Maiden All Forlorn," bowed
down with burdens scarce to be borne,
Waiting a blast on Hope's clarion horn, loud
as the "Cock that crew in the morn."
Bucolic, wheat-crowned, she--_Micawber_
seems she, waiting for something to turn up--somehow.
Poor Agriculture! Care's merciless vulture
has harried her vitals, and furrowe