rovingly, "what did I say I'd do to you if I
ever caught you stealing jam again?"

Tommy thoughtfully scratched his head with his sticky fingers.

"Why, that's funny, ma, that you should forget it, too. Hanged if I can
remember." Smith is a young New York lawyer, clever in many ways, but
very forgetful. He was recently sent to St. Louis to interview an
important client in regard to a case then pending in the Missouri
courts. Later the head of his firm received this telegram from St.
Louis:

"Have forgotten name of client. Please wire at once."

This was the reply sent from New York:

"Client's name Jenkins. Your name Smith."

When time who steals our years away
Shall steal our pleasures too,
The mem'ry of the past will stay
And half our joys renew.

--_Moore_.

The heart hath its own memory, like the mind,
And in it are enshrined
The precious keepsakes, into which is wrought
The giver's loving thought.

--_Longfellow_.

MEN

Here's to the men! God bless them!
Worst of me sins, I confess them!
In loving them all; be they great or small,
So here's to the boys! God bless them!

May all single men be married,
And all married men be happy.

"What is your ideal man?"

"One who is clever enough to make money and foolish enough to spend it!"

I have thought some of Nature's journeymen had made men and not made
them well, they imitated humanity so abominably.--_Shakespeare_.

Men are four:
He who knows and knows not that he knows,--
He is asleep--wake him;
He who knows not and knows not that he knows not,--
He is a fool--shun him;
He who knows not and knows that he knows not,--
He is a child--teach him;
He who knows and knows that He knows,--
He is a king--follow him.

_See also_ Dogs; Husbands.

MESSAGES

"Have you the rent ready?"

"No, sir; mother's gone out washing and forgot to put it out for you."

"Did she tell you she'd forgotten?"

"Yes, sir."

One of the passengers on a wreck was an exceedingly nervous man, who,
while floating in the water, imagined how his friends would acquaint his
wife of his fate. Saved at last, he rushed to the telegraph office and
sent this message: "Dear Pat, I am saved. Break it gently to my wife."

METAPHOR

It was a Washington woman, angry because the authorities had closed the
woman's rest-room in the Senate office building, who burst o