ome with balloon-skirts, or come not at all!

* * * * *

A Candid Friend.

SCENE--_Brown's Study--the well-known "Brown's Study," of course._
BROWN _is reading the fortieth chapter of his three-volume
Autobiography to_ JONES.

_Brown_ (_pausing in his gigantic work_). Well, tell me, honestly, have you
any fault to find with it?

_Jones._ Well--hum!--_it wants finish_.

[_Looks at his watch, rises hurriedly, and exits quickly._

* * * * *

Why, on an Illustrated Paper, should the position of the reproducer of
Artists' black-and-white work be a higher one than that of the Artists
themselves? Because he undertakes "Graver" responsibilities.

* * * * *

BURIDAN'S ASS.

(_Modern Agricultural Version._)

[Illustration]

[BURIDAN is said to have been the inventor of the dilemma of the ass
between two absolutely equal bundles of hay, he maintaining that the
ass's choice must be so equally balanced that he would starve, there
being no motive for preference.]

Long-patient Issachar, o'erladen muncher
Of heaps of "vacant chaff well-meant for grain,"
If, like the pious spouse of _Jerry Cruncher_,
You "flop," and, camel-wise, won't rise again
To bear big burdens that strength staggers under,
On fodder most inadequate, what wonder?

To wallop a poor "donkey wot won't go,"
The good old song suggests is cruel folly.
Give him some fragrant hay, _then_ cry "Gee-woa!"
The lyrist hints, in diction quaintly jolly.
From starving moke you'll get no progress steady;
The well-fed ass responds to "Gee-up, Neddy!"

Poor brute, between two piles of sapless chaff,
While such big burdens weigh your weary shoulders,
Your choice _is_ difficult! Cynics may laugh,
But pity for your plight moves kind beholders.
Cockneys cry, "Kim hup, Neddy!" or "Woa, Emma!"
But _Punch_ compassionates your hard dilemma.

What choice between the chaff of arid Rad
And that of equally dry-and-dusty Tory?
CHAPLIN would feed you on preposterous fad,
And GARDNER on--postponement! The old story!
While the grass grows the horse may starve. Poor ass!
Party would bring you to a similar pass!

"A certain Mister JESSE COLLINGS" poses
As your particular friend and patron. Quite so!
JOSEPH and he cock their pugnacious noses
At their old Chief, ventin