nd so might
I have been leaving free and successful, leaving to return to Lucia,
but for him.

And now I was to remain--remain here, a prisoner, to work on another
twelve weary months at that most nauseating of tasks, repairing undone
work. To recommence, to take up the old burden, to start it all over
again, now when I had just made myself free! To be shackled again with
the weight of uncertainty and expectancy for another year, through him,
and by God he talked of forgiveness!--to me!--now!

It was too soon. Later--later, perhaps, when I was calmer, when some of
the injury had been repaired, when a spark of hope had been rekindled;
then, if he asked, but now--The days before me stretched such a bitter,
hopeless blank! And how did I know that his act could ever be
nullified! It might so turn out that now I never should accomplish my
end.

My health had worn thin and my brain was tired out. Either might give
way, and then--a life blasted through him! Brute and devil! that was
what he had wished, and was perhaps wishing still, even now, when he
professed to be so anxious for forgiveness. I glanced towards his face
opposite me, but it was too dark to see its expression. A slight,
steady drizzle fell between us; I only saw his slight figure before me
in the uncertain light, and again something urged me.

Take your revenge now while you can get it. This man may have spoiled
all your life, but when you realise it, then he may be away and out of
your power. Thrash him! Half kill him now while you have the chance!
But I did not stir. Vengeance has always seemed to me a poor thing.
Supposing... After? ... If I satiated my rage then, what after. I
should have two things to regret instead of one. No. Let him go with
his vile act upon his head.

But forgive? I could not. He had taken the inside, the best of my life,
and I hated, purely hated him. I turned a step aside, his mere outline
before my eyes sent the hate running hotly through me.

"I can't," I muttered; "no, I can't."

Howard sprang forward and put his hand on my arm, and at the touch I
seemed to abhor him more.

"Victor, I wish I could say how I regret it. I wish I could express
myself, but I can't. If you knew--I would cut off my right hand now to
undo it! I would indeed!"

"Who wants you right hand" I said, savagely, stopping and turning on
him as I shook off his detestable touch. "Fool! You can talk now!
Replace a single chapter of that book I slaved at--