RE going to lambaste
somebody, I wouldn't require any fancy ducks or swimming-strokes before
a mirror, or any of these doodads and flipflops! Suppose you were out
some place and a fellow called you vile names. Think you'd want to box
and jump around like a dancing-master? You'd just lay him out cold (at
least I certainly hope any son of mine would!) and then you'd dust off
your hands and go on about your business, and that's all there is to it,
and you aren't going to have any boxing-lessons by mail, either!"

"Well but--Yes--I just wanted to show how many different kinds of
correspondence-courses there are, instead of all the camembert they
teach us in the High."

"But I thought they taught boxing in the school gymnasium."

"That's different. They stick you up there and some big stiff amuses
himself pounding the stuffin's out of you before you have a chance to
learn. Hunka! Not any! But anyway--Listen to some of these others."

The advertisements were truly philanthropic. One of them bore the
rousing headline: "Money! Money!! Money!!!" The second announced that
"Mr. P. R., formerly making only eighteen a week in a barber shop,
writes to us that since taking our course he is now pulling down $5,000
as an Osteo-vitalic Physician;" and the third that "Miss J. L., recently
a wrapper in a store, is now getting Ten Real Dollars a day teaching our
Hindu System of Vibratory Breathing and Mental Control."

Ted had collected fifty or sixty announcements, from annual
reference-books, from Sunday School periodicals, fiction-magazines,
and journals of discussion. One benefactor implored, "Don't be a
Wallflower--Be More Popular and Make More Money--YOU Can Ukulele or Sing
Yourself into Society! By the secret principles of a Newly Discovered
System of Music Teaching, any one--man, lady or child--can, without
tiresome exercises, special training or long drawn out study, and
without waste of time, money or energy, learn to play by note,
piano, banjo, cornet, clarinet, saxophone, violin or drum, and learn
sight-singing."

The next, under the wistful appeal "Finger Print Detectives Wanted--Big
Incomes!" confided: "YOU red-blooded men and women--this is the
PROFESSION you have been looking for. There's MONEY in it, BIG money,
and that rapid change of scene, that entrancing and compelling interest
and fascination, which your active mind and adventurous spirit crave.
Think of being the chief figure and directing factor in solving stra