me boob for audience, when a
bunch of hot-air artists like Frink and Littlefield get going."

"Well, dear--I meant to speak of this--I do think that as host you ought
to sit back and listen, and let your guests have a chance to talk once
in a while!"

"Oh, you do, do you! Sure! I talk all the time! And I'm just a business
man--oh sure!--I'm no Ph.D. like Littlefield, and no poet, and I haven't
anything to spring! Well, let me tell you, just the other day your darn
Chum Frink comes up to me at the club begging to know what I thought
about the Springfield school-bond issue. And who told him? I did! You
bet your life I told him! Little me! I certainly did! He came up and
asked me, and I told him all about it! You bet! And he was darn glad to
listen to me and--Duty as a host! I guess I know my duty as a host and
let me tell you--"

In fact, the Orville Joneses were invited.

II

On the morning of the dinner, Mrs. Babbitt was restive.

"Now, George, I want you to be sure and be home early tonight. Remember,
you have to dress."

"Uh-huh. I see by the Advocate that the Presbyterian General Assembly
has voted to quit the Interchurch World Movement. That--"

"George! Did you hear what I said? You must be home in time to dress
to-night."

"Dress? Hell! I'm dressed now! Think I'm going down to the office in my
B.V.D.'s?"

"I will not have you talking indecently before the children! And you do
have to put on your dinner-jacket!"

"I guess you mean my Tux. I tell you, of all the doggone nonsensical
nuisances that was ever invented--"

Three minutes later, after Babbitt had wailed, "Well, I don't know
whether I'm going to dress or NOT" in a manner which showed that he was
going to dress, the discussion moved on.

"Now, George, you mustn't forget to call in at Vecchia's on the way home
and get the ice cream. Their delivery-wagon is broken down, and I don't
want to trust them to send it by--"

"All right! You told me that before breakfast!"

"Well, I don't want you to forget. I'll be working my head off all day
long, training the girl that's to help with the dinner--"

"All nonsense, anyway, hiring an extra girl for the feed. Matilda could
perfectly well--"

"--and I have to go out and buy the flowers, and fix them, and set
the table, and order the salted almonds, and look at the chickens, and
arrange for the children to have their supper upstairs and--And I simply
must depend on you to go to Vecchia's for the