(_decidedly_). Just so, my dear, I shall certainly bid
for them. [_Marks his catalogue vigorously._

_Auctioneer_ (_dropping his hammer smartly_). Sold! Remove the
first-class feather-bed, SAM. Buyer o' _that_ has a bargain! (_Nodding
blandly to pleased purchaser_). Really the prices at which things are
going to-night are ruinous! 'Owever, there's no reserve, and the lucky
public gets the pull. The next article, Ladies and Gents, No. 471, is
a very superior, well-made, fully-seasoned, solid Spanish, ma'ogany
chest of drawers. Chest o' drawers, SAM! (_To Paterfamilias._) _Would_
you mind standing a inch or so aside, Sir? Thanks! There they are,
Ladies and Gentlemen, open to hinspection, and warranted to bear
it. An unusually excellent lot, fit for the sleeping-apartment of a
prince, at a price within the means of a pork-butcher. (_Laughter._)
Oh, it's righteous, Gents. No 'umbug about _me_. There's quality, if
you like. Well worth a ten-pun note. What shall I have the pleasure
of saying for this very superior article? 'Ow much for the chest o'
drawers? Who bids for the ma'ogany chest? Thirty shillings. Thank
you, Sir! Any advance on thirty shillings? Thirty-five! _And_ six!
Thirty-five-and-six for this very desirable little lot! Worth five
times the amount, Ladies, as _you_ know! What do you think. Mum? [_To
Materfamilias, who smiles vaguely, and looks at her husband._

_Paterfamilias_. Two pounds! [_Feels he has made an impression._

_Auctioneer_. Two pounds! (_Confidentially to_ P.) _Your_ good lady
knows a good bit o' stuff when she sees it, Sir! Two pounds for the
chest! Two pounds! Any advance on a couple o' pounds? All done at
two pounds? Going at two pounds! (_Meeting silence, pretends to hear
another bid_). Two-pun-ten! Quite right, Sir! Very foolish to lose
such a superior harticle for a pound or two. Going at two-pun-ten!
Larst time, two-pun ten! Going--going--g--

_Paterfamilias_ (_hastily_). Two-fifteen!

_Auctioneer_ (_cheerily_). Two-fifteen! (_Taking other imaginary
bids_.) Three-pounds! Three-five! (_Thank you, Madam_). Three-ten!
Going at three-ten! Last time, three-ten! (_To Paterfamilias._) Are
_you going to lose it, Sir?_ Worth double, I assure you! Ask your good
lady!

_Materfamilias_ (_aside_). Bid three-fifteen, JOHN, but not a penny
more!

_Paterfamilias_ (_weakly_). Three-fifteen!

_Auctioneer_. Three-fifteen! Four! Going at four! Last time at four!
All done, four! Going, going--gone!