rd them, any pleasure. To the first section, i.e., the
"unco guid," DRURIOLANUS has nothing to offer, not even a course of
sermons by popular preachers; but to the two others he has much to
say. For these, last Saturday, he commenced the first of his series
of Lenten Oratorios at Covent Garden--it was the 14th of February, and
this was his Valentine--and on the 17th, i.e., the Tuesday afterwards,
having made, so to speak, a clean sweep of everything serious, out he
comes with his Fancy Dress and Masked Ball. _Elijah_ the Prophet, on
Saturday, in the Covent Garden Calendar, must be reckoned among the
"minor profits," seeing that the biggest profit would be found in the
_Bal Masque_ on Tuesday. Over the doors should be the motto, "_Festina
Lente_," whereof the Druriolanian translation must be, "Keep it up in
Lent." _Ave Janus Druriolanus!_

* * * * *

OLD TIMES REVIVED.

[Illustration]

What! when _London Assurance_ is going off so well every night,
isn't it a pity that it should go off altogether? CHARLES WYNDHAM
as _Dazzle_ is delightfully flashy, and FARREN as the old beau, _Sir
Harcourt_, admirable. Miss MOORE charming, Mrs. BEERE bright and
sparkling; BOURCHIER quite up to "the Oxonian" mark of _Tom and
Jerry_; BLAKELEY delicious, and GIDDENS as good a _Dolly Spanker_ as
you'd wish to see. It's too good to be "taken off." Not that the piece
itself is a perfect gem, but the acting! _Tout est la._ Oddsfish,
your Majesty, CHARLES REX, Merry Monarch of the Cri, don't remove it
altogether, but let us have it just once or twice a week during the
season. CHARLES, "our friend," do! It's worth while, if but to see you
sitting carelessly at the end of the piece in that chair, R.H., as if
you didn't care for anything or anybody. Only--cut the tag and come to
the Curtain.

* * * * *

THE ETHICS OF MATCH-BOXES.

BY COUNT DOLLSTOI.

(_INTENDED FOR A CONTEMPORARY, BUT FOUND TO BE TOO SHORT._)

I.

What is the true explanation of the use which people make of
matches--of safety matches, wooden matches, wax matches, and, less
commonly, of fusees? Ask any man why he uses such things, and he will
tell you that he does it to get a light, or because others do it.

Is this true? You will probably think so. Let us examine the question.
Why does a man hold his hand in front of a match when he lights it in
the street? To screen it from the wind, or _to hide it from t