Enter Mr. CARLTON-JERMYN, a middle-aged gentleman, in
faultless get-up, who, in a moment of weakness, has undertaken
to canvass the district for his friend, the Conservative
Candidate._

_Mr. C.-J._ (_to himself, as he regards his surroundings with dismay,
and tries to arrange his canvassing-cards_). I suppose this _is_
Little Anna Maria Street? I didn't understand at the Committee Rooms
that it was _quite_ such a--however, I must do my best for dear old
TILNEY. Who's the first man I must see and "use my best endeavours to
persuade him into promising his vote?" Ah, Mr. J. SPLURGE, No. 1. (_He
picks his way delicately along, attempting to make out the numbers
on the doors, which are all thrown back; female residents watch him
from doorsteps and windows with amused interest._) No. 5; No. 3; the
next is No. 1. (_It is; but the entrance is blocked by a small infant
with a very dirty face, who is slung in a baby-chair between the
door-posts._) Very embarrassing, really! Can't ask such a child
as this if Mr. SPLURGE is at home! I'll knock. (_Stretches for the
knocker across the child, who, misinterpreting his intentions, sets up
a howl._) My good child, I assure you ... for Heaven's sake, don't!...
I--I wonder whether I ought to _kiss_ it--some fellows would!

[Illustration: "I wonder whether I ought to _kiss_ it--some fellows
would!"]

_Female Voice_ (_from side-window_). You leave that pore child alone,
will yer--or I'll come out and _tork_ to you, d'y'ear?

_Mr. C.-J._ (_to himself_). That's _Mrs._ SPLURGE! I think, perhaps,
I'd better _not_ wait. (_With an inspiration._) I'll leave a card.
(_Drops one of his visiting-cards in the child's lap--to its exceeding
terror--and retreats._) I'm _afraid_ I haven't produced a very
favourable impression, so far, I'll try No. 2, across the street. (_He
approaches a doorstep upon which two stout and dishevelled Women are
seated._) Er--I _beg_ your pardon, but could you kindly inform me if
Mr.--er--(_consulting card_)--GUFFIN is at home?

_First Woman_ (_with sarcasm_). Now _do_ yer think he's nothink else
to do but set indoors in a arm-cheer all day?

_Mr. C.-J._ I--I thought--I hoped--that, it being Saturday, I might
be--er--fortunate enough--have I the pleasure of addressing Mrs.
GUFFIN? [_Both Women are convulsed with uncontrollable mirth._

_Second Woman_ (_on recovering--calling down the passage_). 'Ere, Mrs.
GUFFIN, yer wanted. 'Ere's a gentleman come to