E BAR.

No. I.

"When Cross-examining a Lady, treat her with Deference."]

* * * * *

SWEET LAVENDER.--Miss SPRULES, whose "Lavender Farm" in Surrey was
recently visited by a ubiquitous _P. M. Gazetter_, appears to be a real
scenter of attraction. "Does it pay?" asked the Interviewer. And of
course the Lady's answer was, "Scent per scent."

* * * * *

"JUNKETING" IN LONDON.--Last Saturday a grand Devonian Dinner took place
at the Criterion. Of course, only _La Creme de la Creme_ of Devon were
present.

* * * * *

THE "SO-CALLED" NINETEENTH CENTURY FOR THIS MONTH.--"_'Palmer' qui ...
ferat._" Has the gallant Corporal any more to Tel-(el-Kebir)?

* * * * *

FROM "1ST FLAT, COLNEY HATCHWELL."--The song of "_Be Mine_" is a great
success. The song "_Be Minor_" ought to be a greater.

* * * * *

NEW NOVEL, shortly to appear, by a Director of the London and
Westminster Bank, entitled, _Allsopps and Conditions of Men_.

* * * * *

UNGRAMMATICAL BUT QUITE CORRECT.--When a Gentleman asks, at a
book-stall, "Have you a number of _Woman_ here?"

* * * * *

WHAT'S "a bore for coal is fun for us!" Mem. by Shareholder, S. E. Line.

* * * * *

[Illustration: NIL DESPERANDUM.

_Fair Visitor (to Hostess)._ "HOW WONDERFULLY WELL MRS. WILKINSON WEARS!
I DO HOPE I SHALL BE AS GOOD-LOOKING AS THAT AT HER AGE!"

_Fair Hostess._ "SO DO I!"]

* * * * *

THANK GOODNESS!

"Off?" Thank goodness, yes!
Always was--confound it!--
An unsavoury mess,
Foulness reeking round it.
Resurrection pie
Not in it for nastiness.
Dished-up--who knows why?--
With unseemly hastiness.
Of the _chef's_ poor skill,
Feeblest of expedients.
Sure we've had our fill
Of its stale ingredients.
_Toujours perdrix_? Pooh!
That is scarce delightful;
_Toujours_ Irish Stew
Very much more frightful.
Thrice-cooked colewort? Ah!
That no doubt were tedious;
But this hotch-potch? Pah!
Thought of it is hideous.
It has been too long
_Piece de resistance_;
Take its odour strong
To unsniffing distance.

Waiter's self looks sick
At the very thought of it.
Oh, remove it, quick!
Customers wan