two and four or five stamped letters which it
is now too late to post. That is all there is in my case.

But I carry it backwards and forwards, in and out, to and fro, day after
day; and the only time it is ever opened at either end of the journey is
when, in addition to the articles previously mentioned, it contains
bottles. But I do not carry it for the sake of bottles; far from it. I am
one of those men who do not mind going about with a comparatively naked
bottle. I carry it simply because it is the tool of my trade, and because,
if you don't carry a tool of some kind on the Underground, at any moment
you may be taken for an idle rich, if not actually a parasite, who never
sweated in his life.

And that, I am persuaded, is why everybody else carries theirs.

But this is a very serious conclusion. It will be a terrible thing if
everyone is going to carry the tools of his trade about with him to show
that he has a trade; the barrister his briefs, the doctor his stethoscope
or his shiny black bag; the butcher his chopper; the dentist--but no, we
cannot have that. There must be other ways. We might wear badges, as we did
in the War, only they would be office badges and trade badges, instead of
regimental badges or discharged badges. Then we should have again the dear
old war-game of trying to read what was on them without being rude. That is
what one really misses in public places in these days of Peace--that and
the uniforms.

It was easy to make conversation in a restaurant in the old days, when
people kept on coming in in curious uniforms, and the ladies wondered what
they were and the men pretended they knew all about them. But all that is
dead now, and I think these sweat-badges would supply a serious want.

But what will the author wear? And who will believe that he ever breaks
into beads of perspiration at his labour?

A. P. H.

[Footnote 1: February 24th, col. 1638.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Butler_ (_in service of the Earl of Kyloes_), "IS THAT YOU,
MY LORD?"

_Burglar_ (_full of guile_). "YUS, MATEY."]

* * * * *

"CAN EUROPE BE SAVED?

By LOVAT FRASER."

_Daily Mail._

We don't know; but there can be no harm in his trying.

* * * * *

Commercial Candour.

"Your Soil needs a tonic. Send 2s. 6d. for 40 lb. Ground Lime in a
Government twill bag, worth half the money."--