your slippers
and put on a thick pair of heavy boots and a Harris tweed shooting coat.
Your next duty is to call the Fire Brigade, and not to meddle with the fire
yourself, for very often an amateur completely spoils a fire before the
Brigade arrives.

* * * * *

When you see the Brigade engine dashing along the road don't stop it and
offer to show the driver a short cut. And when they start work do not worry
the firemen by telling them how to do it better. After all, while it may be
your house, it is their fire.

* * * * *

"TO SEVERAL INTERESTED.--Our editor, Mr. ---- is not an Englishman his
name is a pseudonime.--English ortograhist. Our setters do not yet
speak English at all, be assured that we will do sur best to escape
the errata in the nearest future."

_The World's Trade (Budapest)._

We take their word for it but are not sanguine.

* * * * *

[Illustration: MANNERS AND MODES.

A MODERN PORTRAIT-PAINTER AND HIS "PATRONS."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: MR. ----, THE GREAT CINEMA ACTOR, WHILE STAYING IN THE
COUNTRY INCOGNITO, IS ASKED BY THE MANAGER OF THE PUMPLEFIELD FILM COMPANY
TO HELP MAKE A CROWD.]

* * * * *

PARTY TACTICS.

It began with my reading an article on "How to be a Success at an Evening
Party." I was rather surprised to know that, for one thing, some knowledge
of Spiritualism is necessary to enable one to be a popular entertainer
nowadays. It has never struck me before that spiritualists were such a
genial class, full of _bonhomie_ and great joy; but then, although I read
the Sunday papers, I'm afraid I don't know enough about the subject.

Even if we haven't got the rollicking boisterous temperament of the born
spiritualist, however, there are, it seems, other ways of winning a mild
popularity. "If you confess to only a slight knowledge of palmistry," the
article continued, "it is often enough to make you the centre of interest
at once."

This appealed to me strongly. I like to be the centre of interest. So I
bought a handbook on palmistry and, having absorbed it, set out for my next
party full of confidence.

Surely enough, the first thing I saw on arrival was a dank-looking man
holding forth on Spiritualism, and enjoying what I should call a chastened
vogue with most of the company gathered abou