for licences will be
required to pass a severe examination in "knowledge of London." As,
however, this will be concerned mainly with localities and quickest routes,
we venture to suggest to the examiners a few supplementary questions of a
more general character:--

(I.) How far should a cab-wheel revolving at fifteen miles an hour, be able
to fling a pint of London mud?

(II.) Has a pedestrian any right to cross a road? and, if so, how much?

(III.) With three toots of an ordinary motor-horn indicate the
following:--(_a_) contempt, (_b_) rage, (_c_) homicidal mania.

(IV.) Under what circumstances, if any, should the words "Thank you" be
employed?

(V.) Having been engaged at 11.35 P.M. to drive an elderly gentleman,
wearing a fur-coat, to Golder's Green, you are tendered the legal fare
plus twopence. Express, within ladylike limits, your appreciation of
this generosity.

(VI.) On subsequently discovering the same gentleman to be a member of the
Petrol Control Committee, revise your answer accordingly.

(VII.) Sketch, within ten sheets of MS., your idea of a becoming and
serviceable uniform for a lady-driver.

(VIII.) Who said, and in what connection--

"The hand that stops the traffic rules the world"?
"This flag shall not be lowered at the bidding of an alien"?

(IX.) At the top of St. James's Street you are hailed simultaneously by two
spinster ladies with hand luggage, wishing to be driven to Euston, and by a
single unencumbered gentleman whose destination is the Savoy Grill. Well?

(X.) At what hour do performances at the London theatres end, and which do
you consider the best places of concealment in which to secrete yourself at
that time?

(XI.) What would be your correct procedure on receiving a simple direction
to "The Palace" from--

(a) The PRIME MINISTER?
(b) The Bishop of LONDON?
(c) Any Second-Lieutenant?

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Old Lady_ (_buying records to send to France--to assistant
in Gramophone Department_).

"IF THAT ONE IS THE SONG CALLED, 'THERE'S A SHIP THAT'S BOUND FOR BLIGHTY,'
I'LL TAKE IT. BUT WILL YOU FIRST LET ME KNOW IF IT CONTAINS ANY INFORMATION
WHICH COULD BE OF ADVANTAGE TO THE ENEMY?"]

* * * * *

A PROPHET OF EVIL.

"SIR EDWARD CARSON ON THE ADMIRALTY'S NEW FIGHTING POLICY.

'IT CAN AND WILL BE DEFEATED.'"--_Headlines in_ "_The Daily
Chronicle_."

* *