pens: a gardener, a family man not naturally
ruthless, comes upon the scene; there is a short but terrible struggle; a
neck (not the gardener's) is wrung, and there is chicken for dinner."

"Don't move me," she said, "to tears, or I shall have to countermand your
egg. Besides, I don't think I could ever make a real friend of a fowl.
They've got such silly ways and their eyes are so beady."

"Their ways are not sillier nor are their eyes beadier than our Mrs.
Burwell's, yet she is honoured as a pillar of propriety, while they--no
matter; I hope the chicken when its moment comes will be tender and
succulent."

"Hark!" said Francesca.

"Yes," I said, "another egg has come into the world, and there's Frederick
rushing round like a mad thing with a basket, to find himself once more too
late. Never mind," I said, "I can have two boiled eggs to-night with my
chop,--I mean cutlet."

"No," she said.

"Yes," I said, "and you can have all the rissoles."

R.C.L.

* * * * *

ON PROMOTION TO FIELD RANK.

I remember a day when I felt quite tall
Because of a gift of five whole shillings;
I was Johnson major then, I recall,
And didn't I swank and put on frillings!

Well, we know that children are parents of men;
And, now that I'm getting an ancient stager,
Here am I pleased with a crown again,
And signing myself as Johnson, Major.

* * * * *

"Experienced General disengaged 1st March, one lady; no washing; would
take England."--_Irish Times_.

The advertiser should wire to KAISER, Potsdam.

* * * * *

"During the night an enemy raiding party in the neighbourhood of
Gueudecourt was driven off by our baggage before reaching our
line."--_Continental Daily Mail_.

There is no end to our warlike inventions. First the Tanks, and now the
Trunks.

* * * * *

"The Tigris, immediately above Kut, runs South-East for about four
miles. Then there is a sharp bend, and its course is almost due South
for about the same distance. Then against the stream it goes due North
for about the same distance."--_Glasgow Citizen_.

With the river behaving in this unnatural fashion General MAUDE deserves
all the greater credit for his success.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _She_ (_referring to host_). "YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOMETH