o be called a saint in
my own house either by Irishman or Hottentot. I'll till you what,
Misther Maguire," says he, "if you can't keep a civil tongue in your
head, you had betther be walking off wid yourself; for I beg lave to
give you to undherstand, that it won't be for the good ov your health if
you call me by sich an outprobrious epithet again," says he.

"Oh, indeed! then things is come to a purty pass," says his Riv'rence
(the dear funny soul that he ever was!) "when the likes of you compares
one of the Maguires ov Tempo wid a wild Ingine! Why, man alive, the
Maguires was kings ov Fermanagh three thousand years afore your
grandfather, that was the first ov your breed that ever wore shoes and
stockings" (I'm bound to say, in justice to the poor Prodesan, that this
was all spoken by his Riv'rence by way of a figure ov spache), "was sint
his Majesty's arrand to cultivate the friendship of Prince Lee Boo in
Botteney Bay! Oh Bryan dear," says he, letting on to cry, "if you were
alive to hear a _boddagh Sassenagh_ like this casting up his counthry to
one ov the name ov Maguire!"

"In the name ov God," says the Pope, very solemniously, "what _is_ the
maning ov all this at all at all?" says he.

"Sure," says his Riv'rence, whispering to him across the table, "sure
you know we're acting a conthravarsy, and you tuck the part ov the
Prodesan champion. You wouldn't be angry wid me, I'm sure, for sarving
out the heretic to the best ov my ability."

"Oh begad, I had forgot," says the Pope, the good-natured ould crethur;
"sure enough you were only taking your part, as a good Milesian Catholic
ought, agin the heretic Sassenagh. Well," says he, "fire away now, and
I'll put up wid as many conthroversial compliments as you plase to pay
me."

"Well, then, answer me my question, you santimonious ould dandy," says
his Riv'rence.

"In troth, then," says the Pope, "I dunna which 'ud be the biggest lie:
to my mind," says he, "the one appears to be about as big a bounce as
the other."

"Why, then, you poor simpleton," says his Riv'rence, "don't you persave
that, forbye the advantage the gandher 'ud have in the length ov his
neck, it 'ud be next to onpossible for the turkey-cock lying thataway
to see what he was about, by rason ov his djollars and other
accouthrements hanging back over his eyes? The one about as big a bounce
as the other! Oh, you misfortunate crethur! if you had ever larned your
A B C in theology, you'd have known