had had the misfortune to
lose his nose, kept exclaiming:

"Heaven preserve your honor's eyesight!"

The gentleman was at last annoyed at her importunity, and said:

"Why do you wish my eyesight to be preserved? Nothing ails my eyesight,
nor is likely to."

"No, your honor," said the Irishwoman, "but it will be a sad thing if it
does, for you will have nothing to rest your spectacles upon."

Hard Hit by Napoleon.

When Napoleon was only an officer of artillery a Prussian officer said in
his presence, with much pride:

"My countrymen fight only for glory, but Frenchmen for money."

"You are right," replied Napoleon; "each of them fights for what he is
most in want of."

A Triumph for Billingsgate.

The Rev. Matthew Wilkes, a celebrated London preacher, was caught in a
shower in the famous Billingsgate Market, where the profanity of the women
who sell fish there is proverbial. As he stopped under a shed among them,
he felt called upon to at least give his testimony against their
wickedness.

"Don't you think," said he, speaking with the greatest deliberation and
solemnity, "I shall appear as a swift witness against you in the day of
judgment?"

"I presume so," said one, "for the biggest rogue always turns state's
evidence."

David vs. Goliath.

Lord Roberts once found himself among new friends in a London club. There
was a very tall man present, who, evidently believing himself to shine as
a wit, seized every opportunity of raising a laugh at other people's
expense.

On being introduced to Lord Roberts, the wit bent down patronizingly to
his lordship and remarked:

"I have often heard of you, but"--shading his eyes with one hand as though
the famous general, being so small, could be seen only with difficulty--"I
have never seen you."

To this Lord Roberts promptly replied:

"I have often seen you, sir, but I have never heard of you."

An American Woman's Retort.

Lord Sackville was never much of a lover of America, and what love he ever
had was considerably affected by his dismissal in disgrace as British
ambassador in President Cleveland's administration.

Some time after his return he was a guest of honor at a dinner which was
also attended by Lady Randolph Churchill, now Mrs. Cornwallis West, who is
an American. His lordship did not air his personal grievances, but he lost
no opportunity of decrying everything American. He was especially severe
upon American table manners.

"Do yo