u know," he remarked, "that I have seen Americans eating with their
knives and spilling their soup on the table-cloth?"

Lady Randolph's eyes had flashed several times during the dinner, but this
was a little too much. She leaned quietly toward the distinguished
diplomat and remarked, in her cool, sarcastic voice:

"What poor letters of recommendation you must have had, my lord!"

Silencing the Surgeon.

At a certain dinner-table with General Miles, one night, was a
distinguished Washington surgeon, who listened with a certain air of
superiority to some of the soldier's reminiscences of various experiences
during the Civil War.

"And how do you feel, general," he finally asked, with just a touch of
sarcasm, "after you've professionally killed a man?"

"Oh," replied General Miles, "I dare say I don't mind doing that any more
than you do."

Thomas Lawson's Sharp Tongue.

A Marblehead fisherman reports hearing, while out one day in the bay, this
bit of repartee between Thomas Lawson and a young woman, evidently no
respecter of persons.

As Mr. Lawson, in a naphtha launch, passed the rowboat containing the
girl, she called out:

"Hullo, Tom, how's copper?"

Instantly came the retort: "First-rate. How's brass?"

The Deacon Smelled Sulfur.

Old Deacon Morse was as good at repartee as any man living. One time he
was taking a vessel down New York Harbor. Another vessel collided with
his, and the two drifted on together.

"Cut loose! Cut loose!" called the other captain.

Morse couldn't, but demanded that the other do so. This the stranger
wouldn't do, but he warned Morse that if he didn't they would soon reach
Hell Gate.

"Well," replied Morse, "you won't stop at the gate if you don't cut loose
from us in about two minutes!"

Laying Up Treasure for Heaven.

Francis Baylies, an historian of note, on returning from a church meeting
one Thanksgiving Day, met Nicholas Tillinghast, one of the most humorous
and also one of the most eloquent of the members of the Bristol County
bar, in the sitting-room of an hotel.

In the course of the conversation which ensued Mr. Baylies said to Mr.
Tillinghast:

"I have deposited a ten-cent piece in the contribution-box, to be placed
on interest until I reach heaven."

Mr. Tillinghast replied:

"Ah, yes! That will amount to a very large sum before you will be admitted
there."

Tact of Disraeli.

When it was more expedient to evade a question than to give